Post by gemmrose1 on Jan 22, 2012 2:38:15 GMT -8
Hello everyone,
I'm 5 months now NC and it's a rollercoaster ride where I've wanted to get off so many times and take the easier option of finding someone else, going back, running away, anything really to ease me and MY pain. Well so glad I stuck with it. Many realisations came to me last night.. I have not, since I was 15, been without a man or a fantasy relationship and completely lost who I am. A chameleon changing to suit whomever I was with.
Now I'm just me. Learning what music I like, what makes me happy and what people I like around me. It's as if I've stripped everything away (the really painful bit) and now building the real me.
I had a really painful day Friday (Out of the blue) but out of that has come some great insight and peace.
For anyone new I would say please stick with it. Recovery is sometimes painful, especially the early days but I have peace of mind now, my daughter has her mum back, I am not running after people who cannot give me what they don't have themselves and I am not going to die if I have to spend some time with me alone. I am beginning to have some self respect and dignity.
I hope you all have a lovely day....
The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.
Mark Twain
I'm 5 months now NC and it's a rollercoaster ride where I've wanted to get off so many times and take the easier option of finding someone else, going back, running away, anything really to ease me and MY pain. Well so glad I stuck with it. Many realisations came to me last night.. I have not, since I was 15, been without a man or a fantasy relationship and completely lost who I am. A chameleon changing to suit whomever I was with.
Now I'm just me. Learning what music I like, what makes me happy and what people I like around me. It's as if I've stripped everything away (the really painful bit) and now building the real me.
I had a really painful day Friday (Out of the blue) but out of that has come some great insight and peace.
For anyone new I would say please stick with it. Recovery is sometimes painful, especially the early days but I have peace of mind now, my daughter has her mum back, I am not running after people who cannot give me what they don't have themselves and I am not going to die if I have to spend some time with me alone. I am beginning to have some self respect and dignity.
I hope you all have a lovely day....
The worst loneliness is to not be comfortable with yourself.
Mark Twain
