films and songs not making things easier

This is a very good point you bring up, and there has been discussion on this before. In the early days of recovery, I went through a real purging of all romance movies, songs, and holidays that glamorized the "pain" of love or any kind of unrequited or torchbearing kind of love. I would not watch them or take part in them. Being an English Lit major didn't help! But i was able to eventually put these stories into perspective. I even recall my mother telling me that she grew up with Cinderella and Snow White. She truly believed Prince Charming would come and whisk her away. And who doesn't want to believe in that? I think that is quite common and includes the full spectrum of healthy and addicted women.

Hollywood does NOT teach us to love. It tells a story. Period. And stories are all fantasy (even the "based on a true story" ones. We need to look around at real life partners to gain our sense of what is right and wrong. Paisley makes some great points. When you are further along in recovery you can see past the fantasy.

Remember too, that we are emotional creatures, and our longing for love triggers in us a deeper wish that these kinds of film could be real. When we grow up a little and start using our logical mind more than our emotions, we can finally see the "truth."


You can also read Edward and Bella Love Addicts here thelovelyaddict.com/2010/07/14/edward-and-bella-love-addicts/

I probably waited just as long as you, if not longer! Who knows why we don't get it. But luckily, it can be LEARNED!

totally relate to this - just getting out of obsessive LA relationship - radio and movies killing me. whitney houston - also difficult. plus any music i listened to with my LA which was country. going to switch to top 40 or npr talk radio. heck even dateline or 2020 have unhealthy messaging. many stories are about obsessive love. i dont even want my remote to go the lifetime movie network.

I was majorly triggered a while back by my PoA's music that he gave me. I was fooling myself that I could handle listening to it, but I never know when one of the songs will throw me into a spin. It did, and I haven't listened to any of it since. Now I'm just not even tempted, it can wait until I'm really bored and wanting to see if I can get upset by it again! Even that's not a really good reason to go into it all again.

I stopped reading romantic books.

I stopped watching romantic movies until well into recovery.

I created boundaries and could tell the difference between the fantasy and reality

I started singing all those love songs to God and listened to gospel.

In my book I talk about the media as a "contributing factor" with love addiction.

I see this song in a new light . . . "If you can't be with the one you love; love the one you are with."

I totally erase from my mind the song, "You are nobody until somebody loves me."

my perfect LA partner is dark and moody, and somewhat tragic without being full on mentally ill. outspoken, a rebel, a "bad boy or girl", a heroin addict, in a band, or at the very least likes music. if he's a guy he should work in construction. if it's a girl prostitutes and strippers have my heart. has long hair and bad tattoos that look like s/he got them in prison. s/he should be intelligent, liberal, pro choice.

I am realizing my poa is a lot of these things and i'm lonely and I want a real boyfriend and these traits describe many people not just my poa. I guess guys/girls like that are a dime a dozen, but when you're la, your poa seems sooo special.

I think one of the causes of my relapse is that a very close friend died last year of an overdose and I guess you can never really "get over" something like that, but I didn't even deal with it. I didn't go to the funeral I just pretended it didn't happen. and about 6 months later my mom told me my friend stopped by my parents looking for me a few days before he died and he said his mom kicked him out and he was going to stay with friends, and my mom didn't tell me, cause I had just got out of prison. and I couldn't stop crying when she told me. I some times think things would be different if he didn't die. and something about my poa reminds me of my friend a little, and I try not to talk about my dead friend too much around my poa, but it always comes up somehow. I miss my friend. in the stages of grief, I think I am on the bargaining stage, I keep thinking I wish there was some way to go back in time. I know that's impossible.

back to the topic of media, I think la is very under diagnosed because people see broken hearts as a part of life, but it's not normal to be constantly obsessed. I used to play elvis Costello's "I want you" repeatedly when I had my one poa. I thought this was just a normal song about a relationship, but then I read that it's about a crazy obsession. sometimes I think some of my favorite singers must be la too, like Morrissey and rivers Cuomo because they have so many songs about broken hearts.

it really sucks that i'm a fan of music and many of my favorite songs have been "ruined" by bad poa memories, but if you actually listen to music, and don't only listen to songs about heartbreak, you will realize that not all songs are about relationships and you might have been finding the songs that aren't to be boring.