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Post by Loving My Life on Feb 25, 2012 19:36:45 GMT -8
i would not tell her anything about your job, i would let her find her own job, tell her to go online and apply for jobs, or go to employment agencies in the area. just tell her there not hiring and let it go at that, if she gets mad, that is not your problem, once again we cant control people, places and things. we have to set boundaries, and protect ourselves. that is your livelihood. I have a contract job as well, and people are always asking me the same thing, and i just tell them there not hiring, only 2 positions, and i have one and my friend has the other. dont let others take your blessings.
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Post by Loving My Life on Feb 25, 2012 20:26:57 GMT -8
Well i know i have learned and i am still learning the hard way, because i so d**n nice, and a people pleaser, and i think everyone has my best interest at heart, sometimes it is good to just let people takes care of there own stuff. wanting to make everyone happy and to feel good only hurts us co-dependent people. it takes practice, but it is a very valuable tool. Susan's book says too not offer to much advise, until you see if the person has a plan first, then they dont look for you to fix there problems. If she ask you about your job again, turn it around with a question to her, like where are you going to look or apply for a job with? this is very helpful. instead of offering advise, turn it into a question about them and to them? it works, and soon enough they will stop asking you questions, and stand up on there own feet. I just learned how to carry this process out, since i got sober, i did not want to hurt anyone, and i did not like a confortation. but with practice, it works out for us. that is the goal, protect ourselves.
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littlenemo
Junior Member
This is who I was. This is who I can be again. But with less hair and more clothes.
Posts: 71
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Post by littlenemo on Mar 2, 2012 18:00:20 GMT -8
Luvmyself2, I think you need a new friend or two. I currently have zero male friends, and I need to rectify that. (All of my friends are women, and in the past, such friends have all too often ended up being PoAs.) I've been in a similar situation with job stuff; acquaintances more or less asking help getting work that will put them in direct competition with me. "Sorry, they're not hiring" is definitely the way to go.
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Post by runrunrun on Mar 22, 2012 14:55:34 GMT -8
luvmyself, boy do I get your quandary. I have two 'friends' similar to this in my life right now. Have you spent some time with your hp asking these questions? Usually I get answers that way. Often I have to talk to my sponsor. Actually I asked her a similar question the other day. How to decide when to remove someone from your life. She asked me, in turn, if I was getting anything from these 2 people in my life. In other words what was I getting out of the friendship.
Are you getting anything out of the friendship?
I think its common practice in the business world to keep clients away from potential competitors. Especially if business is scarce. I would not feel bad at all holding on to all potential clients to keep myself in business. Yeah I think that goes under the boundaries title.
rrr
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Post by overcomer on Mar 22, 2012 18:37:32 GMT -8
"Bad company corrupts good character.." So be selective with people you hang out with.
I used to hangout with any good-looking friends regardless of their beliefs but it just won't work to compromise my faith values so I gave them up. I have to get close only to people who share my faith too. That's my current boundary.
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