Finding Therapist

You have to do a lot of research because most psychologists know little about what we are experiencing. I find most psychs to be very expensive friends and you can become dependent on them.

You have this board for love addiction. What you need from therapy is psychodynamics. This kind of therapy looks at the relationship between your childhood wounds and your current problems [love addiction, codependency, attachment disorder. This work is part of your recovery. Once you have learned from dream analysis and slips of the tongue what happened when you were a child you will probably discover your original wound which is neglect if you are a love addict and toxic shame if you are an avoidant. When you are finished you can stop. I do this work for a couple of years every ten years ago. I was amazed at what I learned. I describe this in my book, The Art of Changing.

When approaching a therapist it is best not to use self-help language at first. Just tell them your other symptoms like low self-esteem, shame, attachment disorder, low self-esteem, abandonment/neglect wound, depression, anxiety, . . . things they are trained to treat. Emotional incest is a self-help term, but it is self-explanatory as is seductive withholder. You may end up teaching your therapist. My last therapist balked at my imagery of the inner child until I explained that it was just a metaphor and tool to help myself heal. He thought I was disassociating.

I seem to have mild forms of each. I don't self harm, and I don't express anger very well at all. I have a low self-esteem and def. have a strong fear of abandonment. I have had panic attacks in the past, and from a young age, I felt less than everyone else. I also feel empty from time to time, and get bored easily. I have fluctuated between please don't leave behavior in relationships, and boredom. I am very upset with the fact that I could be borderline. Growing up, my parents were around and the only things that I can think of that may have influenced me negatively, would be that my father could be brief with me, and my mother had a very low self esteem. My mother was obsessed with beauty. I grew up with not only my parents, but with my grandmother and 4 great aunts that all lived together. I went to their house everyday after school, and in the summer. They loved me, and actually spoiled me to a fault probably. I was the center of their lives. I would call them crying if my father was mad at me, they were my saviors. They have all died now, but I cry to them when I hurt even still. I was never once spanked as a child, and I don't remember anything much other than my parents may have struggled at some point in their marriage. They are still married, and at times when I am very low, come visit me. I have close friends, and a lot to be thankful for really. I just still feel empty. I am seeing a new therapist December 4th and hope she can help.

Hi Lamarier,

*hug*. It's tough when you find out or think very strongly that you have a mental health disorder. I have also looked at the BPD literature and carry some of the traits as well. In fact on some tests, it comes up that I score within the range, so I understand your frustration and you being upset.

I think the difference for you is that you're here on this forum. You are willing to see your whole self and willing to do the work that comes with recovery. This is such an important point to consider. There has been so much research in the field of neuroplasticity as well. The brain can be rewired to thing differently! Check out this article on how: www.mindbodygreen.com/0-11762/5-ways-to-rewire-your-brain-for-meaningful-life-changes.html

I personally have noticed changes in my behaviour and thought patterns quite a bit since I started here on these message boards and I haven't engaged in problem reckless behaviours in over a year-essentially since I got into recovery. Recovery and doing the work of recovery can help a lot. You have to be willing to do the work though. It isn't an easy path, but was it easy living the way you were before? It may have been comfortable, but it likely wasn't easy.

So, what I'm going to say next may be a bit strange to you, but bear with me. Your therapist likely sees many people with mental health issues. Her view is heavily coloured by the work she does. As many of our views are coloured by our experiences, the work we do and what we choose to pay attention to. Her opinion is not necessarily 100% accurate. It is just her perspective.

Try to hold onto yourself in interactions and understand that even if you have BPD, you are not your disease. You are far more than that.

Take care,

Dear lamarier,

I know there are a lot of changes happening with you right now. And understanding & facing that is hard. Having BPD is not the end in any way. Right now you are facing discouraging people. But think about it. The fact that they are discouraging or critical is a reflection on them. Don't let that negative feature affect you. It is not a reflection on you. BPD (if u r diagnosed with it finally) is a part of you, it is not NOT wholly you.

Coming here is a big step. Try to further this step. Here you will find encouragement, therapy & healing.
Love
mlv.

I have Borderline Personality Disorder, so named because it is on the border of several other disorders.

Before the self-help healers adopted the word love addict, BPD was the diagnosis along with attachment disorder and erotomania.

I am high-functioning, but I still have to make progress regarding this. Love and accept yourself for the good and shadow sides of your personality. They are both God given traits..