Posting about the POA

I'm noticing a HUGE amount of talk about the PoA: "he just called, but I didn't pick up," or "he just got married" or "I was thinking about the PoA again," or "Why doesn't he want me?" and so on.

This road to recovery you are on, has NOTHING to do with your PoA. Leave him in the dust and move forward WITHOUT HIM. SUrely you have other things to think about, to focus on. Or don't you? If all you have on your mind are thoughts of your PoA, you are not in active recovery. And you need to be aware of that. And you need to make a CHOICE to either let thoughts about PoA go and move on, or hold on to your toxic thinking.

I need to say it: Whether he's getting married or has just called you or not won't help your recovery one bit. How you handled the situation might, but here's the problem with sharing that info: you're still focusing on your behavior AS IT RELATES TO THE POA.

I'm hear to tell ya that Your recovery is so much more than that!!!!! You are more than your behavior as it relates to the PoA. But you need to find out who you are. It's like you're sitting in a bar focusing on the drinks you either pass up or don't. "Today I didn't take a sip of the drink" and then," Today I slipped and took a sip."

This is not recovery. This is trying desperately to deny yourself something you really, really want when it's sitting right in front of you. Let me tell you, you won't be very successful if you think recovery is that.

True, deep, meaningful recovery has NOTHING TO DO WITH THE POA, so why bother focusing on him or her and how hard it is to deny yourself their presence? True, deep, meaningful recovery is when you take your eyes and ears and instead of pointing them outside yourself you point them inward and start to listen to the voice inside you that has a gazillion other ideas about the way it wants to live. Turn to that soul inside you, dig below its shallow, superficial dependence and need of the PoA. Find out who you really are! Because, trust me, You inherently don't want to be focused on some PoA. You inherently, want your soul to be unburdened.

So....

I cannot stress enough that you can recover quite completely without knowing ONE fact about the PoA (whether he or she is married, dating, in love, has five kids now, etc, NONE of that matters). And you can recover quite smoothly without ONE mention or post of the PoA. Good for you for not picking up the phone or responding to his text. But NOW WHAT are you doing with your time and your thoughts? It's what happens in between those "pings" that matter. NOT the pings themselves.

There are several members on this board that deeply understand this, and I commend them! But many others need to hear the importance of letting go of the PoA.

So...who is with me? Let's make a promise right here and now that we are going to STOP posting about the PoA. COMPLETELY. And focus solely on YOU and more important stuff about your recovery. This is a really great exercise too. It SHOWS you how deeply addicted you might be. It SHOWS you much or how little you have on your mind. If you are anything like me, I had nothing but the PoA on my mind, until I did this exercise and it scared me to death. I wanted to be a person who had other more important thoughts on her brain. ANd so I learned new things. And I began to fill my time looking inward (who am I without a man?) and looking outward (not in the direction of dating or men, but in the direction of new horizons!)

So make the promise with me...no more posting about the PoA! A few of you will last a day, a few more will last about a week, and fewer yet will make it a permanent change and see the light!

Good luck! It's hard, but YOU CAN DO IT!