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abused
Sept 15, 2012 11:36:55 GMT -8
Post by Light on Sept 15, 2012 11:36:55 GMT -8
I was sexually abused since I was 5 till I was 10. This has been a heavy secret for many years and only recently I have worked on it in therapy.
In more than two years of therapy I have talked about it 10/15 times but I think I still don't want to admit what happened.
I am a christian and recently forgave my abuser, a neighbor.
Anyway I think I should work better on this sad reality I had to live as a child combined with the feeling of abandonment by my father who was always away or busy.
I want to look inside of me, now that I'm leaving my husband poa, now that I'm alone, waiting to decide if we have to separate.
I'm happy to have the opportunity to look inside, but where to start?
That past of abuse is still shaming and scaring and uncomfortable, something in me wants to avoid it.
Light
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abused
Sept 15, 2012 13:27:38 GMT -8
Post by Jacarandagirl on Sept 15, 2012 13:27:38 GMT -8
Byron Katie does amazing work with people who have suffered abuse. She takes people through self enquiry, where the person writes out a "judge-your-neighbour" worksheet and she asks them the 4 questions- Is it true? Can you absolutely know it's true? How do you react when you think this thought? Who would you be if you couldn't believe the thought?
Then the turn-around, where the person turns around the statement written.
Personally, if I lived in the states, where she is, I wouldn't waste any time getting myself a session with her, if that's even possible, I'm not sure if it is, but lots of people get the chance to work with her every year at what she calls the "mental cleanse". I think it happens in California. It's an informal 3 day cleanse where you can do a juice fast and hang out with a whole bunch of people talking about and doing the work with her, and each other.
Many people are skilled at being facilitators but she has an ability that I've never heard anyone else with. The effect of seeing the world from a new perspective is radical and profound.
And I believe when we fully forgive someone that's the end of it, really. If I no longer feel like a victim of my mother, for example, I am free of the suffering and of the effect, in that when I notice the unhealthy reactions in me I have full compassion for me, and for her. I'm not really there yet. I saw her for the first time last night in several years. I didn't feel angry with her. It was good.
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abused
Sept 15, 2012 22:04:40 GMT -8
Post by Light on Sept 15, 2012 22:04:40 GMT -8
thank you so much Jacarandagirl! If I lived in yhe US I'd run there...but I live in Italy...Anyway I'll search in web. Thank you for the precious information.
Yes , I forgave him, but maybe there's much work to do to really mean that forgiveness, thank you even for this second insight!
hugs,
Light
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abused
Sept 16, 2012 2:29:54 GMT -8
Post by Jacarandagirl on Sept 16, 2012 2:29:54 GMT -8
There is a place on the BK website that you can find, if you really dig around on the site, where you can message and then skype people from all around the world and do the work with someone who will ask you the questions on a worksheet you fill out yourself. You could probably even find someone who spoke Italian! I'll have a look and see if I can find the link.
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abused
Sept 16, 2012 2:31:40 GMT -8
Post by Jacarandagirl on Sept 16, 2012 2:31:40 GMT -8
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abused
Sept 16, 2012 7:48:04 GMT -8
Post by Light on Sept 16, 2012 7:48:04 GMT -8
Thank you very much, Jacarandagirl, I've already had a look. I'll try later.
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abused
Sept 16, 2012 13:38:20 GMT -8
Post by Light on Sept 16, 2012 13:38:20 GMT -8
hey Jaca, I just seen the video! Love it, later I'l download the paper to do the written work. thank you again! Did you do it?
Light
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abused
Sept 16, 2012 13:45:47 GMT -8
Post by Jacarandagirl on Sept 16, 2012 13:45:47 GMT -8
Fantastic! Yes, I have been doing it for about 8 years. I used to do it only when I had a crisis in my life that I was trying to handle. Now I do it more regularly, as a way of cleaning up my mental world, which is actually like cleaning up my whole world. I notice the effect of my thinking a lot more than I used to, and I don't act out the way I used to, in some areas. It's really helped me behave differently with my parents. And my kids. I am so glad I found it, I hope it is useful to you too! There is so much support out there for us if we reach out.
To explain more, I have someone who is a trained facilitator who lives close by, so I started with her. I have done lots of workshops and although I'm not trained, I really understand the process quite well now. I have used the hotline (the link) twice I think. Lots of my friends do the work too so I can do it with them if I organise it, or I just do it myself. The work has been compared to cognitive psychology. Byron Katie just kind of developed it organically, she's not a psychologist or anything.
I think the biggest thing it has helped me with is understanding when I am in someone else's business, and how messy that gets. Doing the 12 steps and being in CoDA has taught me how to let go.
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abused
Sept 16, 2012 13:56:39 GMT -8
Post by Light on Sept 16, 2012 13:56:39 GMT -8
thank you, thank you, thank you!!!! xx
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abused
Oct 3, 2012 1:43:40 GMT -8
Post by alishass2040 on Oct 3, 2012 1:43:40 GMT -8
just leave it
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abused
Nov 6, 2012 4:39:26 GMT -8
Post by alishass2040 on Nov 6, 2012 4:39:26 GMT -8
i"ll try.......
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abused
Nov 6, 2012 8:07:48 GMT -8
Post by Loveanimals on Nov 6, 2012 8:07:48 GMT -8
Dear light,
I'm so sorry you experienced this.
I was in an Eating Disorder group where many were abused (myself included) and I know DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy) helped some of them. I bought a workbook that helped for distress tolerance and need to go through it again right now honestly. I feel like I have so many books to read!
xoxo
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abused
Nov 6, 2012 11:32:26 GMT -8
Post by Susan Peabody on Nov 6, 2012 11:32:26 GMT -8
Not to change the subject, but I think because I was molested as a child I was more susceptible to abuse as an adult. I survived an abusive marriage. When I tried to leave my husband tried to kill me. I almost lost my eye. There is a book called The Battered Woman Syndrome which explains learned helplessness which is the legal term lawyers use when trying to explain why codependents stay in a bad situation. They used to ignore learned helplessness when a battered woman kills, but now most courts accept the concept.
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