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Post by Havefaith on Mar 10, 2009 17:18:46 GMT -8
As I work through this withdrawal and face my addiction truthfully for the first time, I am struck by a sadness that cuts through to my soul. I know it will pass, and I will just have to feel this way - I am grieving giving up a part of me, sick as it is, and not exactly knowing what I'll replace it with... I know I will see with greater clarity if I just work through this. My counselor is helping me face this head on. The sadness, however, is mine alone.
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Post by LovingGracefully on Mar 10, 2009 17:45:51 GMT -8
Have Faith,
This is actually a good thing, believe it or not. It's a really awful, healing, transitional period you're going through. It means you are changing...or being re-born in a way...it's painful and bloody.
You're at least aware that this will pass. When I was going through this I had no idea that this was temporary. That was pretty scary.
You will come out the other side with an entirely new dialog for yourself and new behaviors/actions for your life. You know this. This is just the yucky awfulness that precedes "re-entry". That sounds so Sci-Fi but it's true. I'm such a visual person that I have to see what is happening...not just read it or hear it but put it into visual context to understand it.
Take it slow and take REALLY good care of yourself right now. You're coming out of a war and you're a little wounded. Be gentle and know it will get better.
Kindness to youreself....remember that.
LovingGracefully
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Post by tcooley on Mar 11, 2009 10:17:45 GMT -8
Hi Havefaith,
Wow, do I know what you mean. As I began this journey a few months back and began to "escape" from the fantasy world I was living in I realized I had to change who I was as a person in order to recover from this addiction. Everything I had ever known, everything I was comfortable with, everything I thought I believed in had to change.
My thought process, everything that made me me had to be readjusted if I was to ever be healthy. And this scared me because that meant letting go of me...and I thought I knew me...but once the cloud was lifted it wasnt me...it was a broken form of me that controlled my life. An unhealthy me that needed serious help. But before I really looked at the bright side of it I was scared to seee what was on the other side of the wall.
All I knew was this type of behavior. What would I do if I didnt have this addiction anymore...I got a fix off of the drama my lifestyle created. My life was consumed by drama...what in God's name would I replace my time with?
It wasnt to hard to figure out once I devoted myself to healing and letting the obsession and fear of being alone get put on the back burner. I read, I work out, I spend more time with my kids, I mended some old friendships, I post to this site often, I rearrange furniture...and the funny thing is...Im still me.
As you start to heal "have faith" that the sick you will only be replaced by a healthier nonaddicted you. And life will have a whole new meaning my friend.
Stay strong.
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