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Post by LovelyJune on Feb 19, 2011 15:08:45 GMT -8
I am so filled with hatred for my ex-H right now. He has done nothing but suck the life out of me, he has never once taken financial care of his children, and for even the littlest things he's just a mean, rotten, miserable person. My sons go to his house every Friday night to Saturday night. My one son had a party to attend at the last minute this afternoon. Obviously, I never got a gift for this kid, because we just found out. SO I sent the ex an email stating that he needed to get a gift and a card for this little boy so that our son didn't have to show up empty handed. His response? you can do it yourself. Of course, he sends me this response 10 minutes before the party. So, I'm scrambling to tell my son that he'll just have to tell the boy we forgot and we'll get him something later. But for the love of God! What is wrong with this man? He's so focused on being a bad ex, that he doesn't even try to be a good father. Hate is a mild word for what I feel for this monster.  |
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Post by soulseeker on Feb 19, 2011 15:19:53 GMT -8
Dear T,
I am sorry you have to deal with this idiot. Your feelings are valid. I hope for you that someday this will end and he will not have any power over your feelings. I do understand how hurtful it is to your son. You will never be able to count on him for anything. I hope your son figures out who is the parent to trust.
You are in my thoughts today. Looking forward to better tomorrows!
Hugs.
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Post by person on Feb 19, 2011 16:05:44 GMT -8
I am very sorry for what you are going through. This man obviously is not a good father. Even animals are better. Hopefully your son will be able to see who his father really is after this. Maybe he will not want to go to his father so often.
(((Hugs)))
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Post by Healing Ku'uipo on Feb 19, 2011 19:16:29 GMT -8
That's tough.
When I go through things like that with my ex I say" yep that's why were not together." I feel a lot of pain for my oldest daughter, she's 16.. Her Dad died when she was an infant, and my Ex adopted her when she was 6. He never showed good Love. It was a brokenplate similar to the one I felt with my step Dad. I secretly hated him for it.
He is re married with Pregant wife who quit working a few weeks ago. The only way he showed my daughter attention or a bit of kindness was buying her contact lenses once every 2 months. He has stopped.He Told her to get a job and buy her own.
I can't make him be nice or show her love and kindness. And once again I know Thats why were not married anymore. He sucks!
I wish she wouldn't get wounded. I wish I could find a Really good man to replace him. But that hasn't happened, so she has me. And I try to educate her on his Narcisstic ways and it's not her fault... We just have to do our best.
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Post by LovelyJune on Feb 20, 2011 5:38:11 GMT -8
Thanks everyone. I battle this on a daily basis. While there is much love in my life and a great network of loving people around me, this jerk still enrages me and I wish I could control it and not be so easily influenced every time he does something naive (often).
This is one of those things that I need to really work on.
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Post by secondhandrose on Mar 27, 2011 0:58:44 GMT -8
there are times that i wish a lot of "unwellness" for my poa... he hurt me a lot... he treated me bad and when i was "grovelling" with him (many times) he would argue back at me like he was a really bad defense attorney... one time i told him on the phone, "you just used me!" and he replied back, "well, how would you like it if i told you that YOU just used me. I could play the same game!"... i was never playing a game but he interpreted our relationship as one. when i was trying to get closure from him, he always threw stuff at me like that. obviously, i never got closure, and i never will. personally, as i stay away from him, i find that no matter how many times i talk to him, i will never find peace with him. i can only find peace within myself. that is the peace we all seek.. it is not without, it is within... and sometimes that is hard for me to accept, especially when i feel like cyberstalking him or his fiance/wife... or contact him... but those are fleeting moments. the word i hold onto and keep in my heart is DIGNITY. I refuse to SURRENDER WHAT I HOLD SACRED... AND THAT IS MY DIGNITY... i feel that is everything to me.. i didn't allow him to take that from me. i did beg for his love and i did grovel, but the longer i stay away from him and stay silent, the more my self-esteem grows and the stronger my dignity becomes... i never surrendered that... but hell yeah, i get angry!!! but he has no control over me... and never will. he is out of my life. and if he were still in my life, he can't touch my DIGNITY... that is something i would never surrender for anyone!!!  |
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Post by LovelyJune on Mar 27, 2011 4:15:17 GMT -8
That is great news, secondhand. Glad to know that dignity outweighs the anger for you. An update here to my story: my H and I FINALLY after almost a year of fighting between attorneys for custody and child support, have finally been able to come to an agreement and have a new consent order filed. I still don't particularly like this man, and I have very little respect for anyone who does not take care of or spend time with their children, but the hate and anger have dissipated because the conflict has resolved. That's huge. It makes me recognize that my emotions were reactionary to a crisis as opposed to just welling up inside me out of no where. I do not carry anger and hate with me. And so as long as he is out of the picture and things are quiet between us, I am calm. But you are so right when you say that we need to find peace within ourselves. Hopefully, I'll remember that for the next time! |
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Post by overcomer on Mar 27, 2011 7:29:33 GMT -8
I believe we can only give/offer/share what we have.
So for example if a person like your ex-H couldn't show love or "care"
towards his own son, that means he does not have it for himself as well.
A heartless person usually has a lot of unresolved hurts/pain in their lives.
Thinking that way helps me to DETACH from others' behavior, feelings, etc.
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