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Post by hurt2heal on May 15, 2011 20:20:52 GMT -8
It has been a week since I slept with my ex. We split almost a year ago and have stayed in contact, but NO physical contact since last week. Neither of us had slept with anyone, or been involved in any relations since each other and unfortunately fell "into" the trap of thinking that this would be ok. And maybe it would have been HAD I NOT BEEN HAVING A HARD TIME WITH THIS ENTIRE BREAKUP the whole time. If not undermining my own value, and consistently planning my life around someone who was no longer in my life. But I lied to him so he wouldn't have to deal with my emotional drama. I'm so upset with myself for feeling hurt that I have not heard from him since this incident, but at the same time am proud that I have not tried to contact him either. I feel sick knowing that for so long I stayed strong never falling into this trap and almost a year later did. It hasn't thrown me back to my emotional state that I was when we first split but it definitely has set me back. And now all I can think is that he thinks less of me, which in turn makes me think less of me.
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Post by Bo on May 16, 2011 4:17:29 GMT -8
Wow, that really sucks! Sorry for not having a more intelligent reply. But where are you in Recovery? Are you working steps? going to meetings? do you have a sponsor?
I'm asking becuase I will be where you are one day (almost a year of NC) and I want to know what you thing contributed to your slip? Is it becuase you are not working the program and this slip can really happen? Or was it becuase you were in Limited Contact?
You probabally have some great insight to share with us. I think it's great that you are not back to your same emotional state...that says alot about how far you've come.
Hang in there, I've read that things like this are pretty common on the road of Recovery because we're just not perfect...and so it is....
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Post by hurt2heal on May 16, 2011 5:07:41 GMT -8
I just joined this site last week, after everything has happened. I do not have meetings in my area, but have started going to a couselor. I think the reason I have not fallen back in to my emotional state that I once was, is because my mind is consistently telling my body "You will be ok, this willl all be ok." I can not go back to what I once was, and refuse too. I just found this site and will not try to work on these steps and with myself. I have a long way to go and am hopeful that some day I will look back at this time as great growth for me. Because this past year has not been one filled with great memories.
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