Post by frost on Dec 28, 2009 6:10:00 GMT -8
Today I am afraid, I feel overwhelmed with work, I feel inadequate and I fear failing at my job. I fear that my coworkers do not respect me (this might be paranoia on my part and not reality), I fear my boss and that he will hold a low opinion of me, I fear my upcoming performance review.
I fear that my character defect of procrastination will cause me to fail - I fear that I just won't be able to get work done.
The legal bills are still piling up from my divorce. When I was first going through divorce I was so emotionally dependent on my wife and I so much wanted to prove to her that I loved her and sway her mind that I gave in to all of her demands - subsequently I ended up paying a lot of unallocated support. So much so that I am unable to afford a therapist. I tried to readjust things and racked up a $5,000 legal bill (so far). A lot of stress over that. I am afraid I won't be able to pay my property taxes. I woke up this morning from a nightmare - in my nightmare I was meeting with my lawyer when she came out to greet me she said something like "I am getting over a sore throat - so I am not going to yell at you this morning." That made me wake up with fear. My lawyer never yells at me - never has yelled at me. But my father yelled at me constantly. My mom yelled at my often.
When I would have emotional difficulty my POA would encourage me. When I would think about my future I would be hopeful and even hear a voice telling me "she loves you, she is going to love you forever, the two of you have a future together." I am feeling lonely today. She is gone.
I feel a lot of discontent and dissatisfaction with my life. My wife and I had a really beautiful house in a nice neighborhood. That's gone now. I feel regret, for having destroyed the marriage, remorse over my actions, shame for having caused so much destruction and upheaval with my addiction.
I fear that my character defect of procrastination will cause me to fail - I fear that I just won't be able to get work done.
The legal bills are still piling up from my divorce. When I was first going through divorce I was so emotionally dependent on my wife and I so much wanted to prove to her that I loved her and sway her mind that I gave in to all of her demands - subsequently I ended up paying a lot of unallocated support. So much so that I am unable to afford a therapist. I tried to readjust things and racked up a $5,000 legal bill (so far). A lot of stress over that. I am afraid I won't be able to pay my property taxes. I woke up this morning from a nightmare - in my nightmare I was meeting with my lawyer when she came out to greet me she said something like "I am getting over a sore throat - so I am not going to yell at you this morning." That made me wake up with fear. My lawyer never yells at me - never has yelled at me. But my father yelled at me constantly. My mom yelled at my often.
When I would have emotional difficulty my POA would encourage me. When I would think about my future I would be hopeful and even hear a voice telling me "she loves you, she is going to love you forever, the two of you have a future together." I am feeling lonely today. She is gone.
I feel a lot of discontent and dissatisfaction with my life. My wife and I had a really beautiful house in a nice neighborhood. That's gone now. I feel regret, for having destroyed the marriage, remorse over my actions, shame for having caused so much destruction and upheaval with my addiction.