magickwomun
Full Member
"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten".
Posts: 118
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Post by magickwomun on Oct 1, 2012 1:21:38 GMT -8
We haven't made direct contact in about 3 weeks or more. He built a new social network profile, so i blocked him and deactivated mine. I peaked once since then. Tonight he's texting and calling. 8-9 texts so far. I haven't read any of them. I've erased them as they came in. 4 missed calls so far. No response from me. I saw the first few words of the last text he sent. It said "please let me talk".
I can't give in to this again. We both keep doing this to each other and one or both of us ends up hurt more every time. This addictive cycle has to stop. I know how it hurts to be ignored when you're having withdrawal and you desperately need to hear that voice, I want to respond so bad, but it will only keep the 2 of us hooked if i respond. He knows i'm getting away and hes trying to stop me. Will power has maintained my NC since the 21st and it's been very difficult, but i've maintained. I'm determined this time to break this cycle.
Other than seeing that 1 sentence, I don't know what the other texts said, and I don't want to know. I'm afraid to know. I was hoping this time he was finally going to leave me alone and I've made up my mind to leave him alone and from out of no where, he starts this. Great.
I'm changing my number tomorrow.
Hell he's calling again, right now, as I type the phone is ringing, his number....and again....STOP!!! I'm not answering you. I'm sorry but we're sick and we're destroying each other, we have to stop. And again! 3 more missed calls please, please GO AWAY!!! It hurts to see him do this to himself and it hurts him to see me do it to myself. This is absolute madness!!! And again, it's ringing...please pray for us both. This is likely to go on all night.
And another. Now another text, "please answer". Great. and he's calling again...and again. Turning the phone off. Cant deal with this. HP, please give me strength not to break NC. Phone is off. Needed the board to get me through that. I dread turning my phone on in the morning...
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Oct 1, 2012 3:14:11 GMT -8
If you are firm in your resolve to end it, it will just keep getting easier to ignore the pull, for the most part. A few wobbles but then it's like you build up your self-care muscles.
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magickwomun
Full Member
"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten".
Posts: 118
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Post by magickwomun on Oct 2, 2012 8:57:19 GMT -8
8 more missed calls and 24 more text messages when I turned the phone back on. I erased them all, again without reading any of them. I almost want to text him back and assertively explain to him that i'm erasing his messages and not reading any of them and to stop contacting me, but the last time I did that, I ended up texting him and calling him with no response a few days later, so he probably wont take me seriously. Although I caught myself when texting him and said "nevermind - I forgot who i was sending this to, i don't want to talk to you after all, don't reply".
That was the last thing he received from me and a few days later he created a new profile on social network and one of his friends that i don't even know incidentally happened to inbox me the same day to ask if we were still together...that's when he got blocked and I deactivated, nothing since then until night before last when he started this. I left the phone off for a while, apparently he ran out of fuel because he hasn't called or texted anymore, but it's only a matter of time. I'm debating about changing the number. If i do that he might try to contact me in person.
I really want him to know I didn't read his texts too. I want the point to be clear that i am no longer giving him any influence whatsoever over me emotionally. I shutter to think of what those texts said, he knows what buttons to push to regain control when he's losing it, which is why i wouldn't read them. At the same time, i'm afraid i will get carried away with texting him.
Ugh, withdrawals got rough last night...
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Oct 2, 2012 14:41:34 GMT -8
Keep going! You are doing well. Do you notice the craziness of wanting him to know how he doesn't mean anything to you? Just the act of letting him know that proves to him that he does mean quite a lot to you, just not positively. That doesn't matter to him or to anyone stuck in this kind of painful codependency. Any attention is a win.
Do you want to give him that satisfaction, and more importantly, let yourself down again??? Watch your mind as it tries to trick you into going back for more punishment. And when you stop yourself, feel the effects of self-care. You are trying to break a real live addiction. I am too, and I tell you, it takes a while for the compulsive pull of the thoughts to wind down. I don't know if it ever stops. My mind was trying to tell me it was OK to go and drive by my PoA's house last night. Again, I had had one glass of wine, and I know that any alcohol in me and driving past my PoA's town means I want to stalk him. Even after nearly two years. I actually had a whole thought process around it, thinking- "it's OK, I'm not wanting him back anymore, I'm just curious". What a load of ------. I was looking for a little hit is what I was doing.
I felt so good driving right past the town. Immediately. Strong. Smart. Spared. Thanks HP.
ps. read for at least one hour on baggage reclaim, link below.
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magickwomun
Full Member
"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten".
Posts: 118
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Post by magickwomun on Oct 2, 2012 14:56:51 GMT -8
I've actually texted a couple of other ex poas recently, to keep me from contacting the current one. How sick is that? I didn't blow either of them up, just needed a "bump". I can't stand this perpetual non-sense!
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magickwomun
Full Member
"If you always do what you've always done, you will always get what you've always gotten".
Posts: 118
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Post by magickwomun on Oct 2, 2012 17:34:53 GMT -8
You're right Jaca, check this out (note #5): What is Hoovering?
Think of a big old vacumn cleaner gliding along the carpet making a LOT of noise coming your way with promises that it will clean up the mess and make everything "right".
Hoovering is when the abuser wants to "suck" you back in to the abuser's "game". This means that the abuser needs some more of what we call "narcissistic source" or attention. This can be negative or positive attention.
An abuser will use many different kinds of hoovering attempts.
Some examples of hoovering include:
1. Health issues. The abuser will need you to help them out because they are having health issues.
2. Promises of change. They say they will go to therapy. They will do "anything" to make you happy. False, empty promises they are, but the abuser can seem to be convincing and serious about it.
3. Fianacial issues. The abuser contacts you and says that he will lose everything if you don't give him money. It is always a crisis.
4. The abuser will show up at club meetings, school activities, events, etc where you attend and will begin to give you meaningful looks or try to speak with you.
5. Calls, Texts, E mails. You will boot up your computere one day to find you are once again being "love bombed" by e mail. Or by texts on your phone. This is why you have to block them from being able to contact you in any way.
6. By triangulation. Sometimes the abusers will use family members or friends who will call you or just run into you and who will give you a message from the abuser.
Always remember that abusers don't change without intense therapy and behavior modification. Just because they say they have changed doesn't mean they have.
Read more: loveaddictionforum.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=terms&action=display&thread=13674#ixzz28Gi41ZTT
A few nice words don't really mean anything except they were spoken." I didn't realize I was addicted to a vacuum cleaner, but it makes sense, he certainly does suck! From Susan: This is great. I posted it in the glossary forum which includes the meaning of various acronyms. Thank you! |
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Oct 2, 2012 21:56:53 GMT -8
Hang on to the carpet!
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Post by LovelyJune on Oct 3, 2012 3:04:09 GMT -8
Stay the course. You're doing great. This person doesn't sound healthy at all. In a normal, healthy breakup, the other partner would let you go--not because he doesn't love or miss you, but because he has respect for you and trusts that you know what's best for you. This man is not respecting you. He simply seems to want validation. That is not a good reason to hear what he's got to say.
Again, stay strong!
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