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Post by Healing Ku'uipo on Sept 28, 2011 14:10:38 GMT -8
I am responsible for my own Happiness. This was my Mantra yesterday and today. Today I believed it.
Today I could see how when I get close to someone I instantly become attached and they became my channel for happiness.
I become dependent on them to make me feel happy and when they don't I am left hollow and miserable.
I get it now. Ups and downs happen with other people, but I took it to another level. A dependency.
So I am going to keep this Mantra in the forefront of my mind for a while. It feels empowering to imagine only relying on myself for my happiness.
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Post by happyberry on Sept 28, 2011 15:13:40 GMT -8
this is a fantastic thread. when you really GET this, life becomes a lot easier.
I have a recovery friend throwing a lot of sh*t on my right now and it has to do with her holding other people accountable for her own happiness.
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Post by smbeets on Sept 28, 2011 15:26:32 GMT -8
Indeed, my happiness is an inside job and others have to take care of there own. What a relief!!!
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Post by Healing Ku'uipo on Sept 28, 2011 18:13:33 GMT -8
I also have really good friend going through an awful shocking breakup with her husband and she needs to talk, but shes afraid she will upset me.
I said " I can take care of myself, You need to talk . I will be fine." It bothers me that she would supress herself like that because it might bring me down. And how many times have I done that too??? /I am responsible for my own happiness/
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Sept 29, 2011 4:22:16 GMT -8
Yesterday i cancelled an appointment with my girlfriend, and we haven't seen each other for quite a while. I really wasn't up to it, and I rarely cancel appointments, my codependency tends to drive me forward even if I'm tired or whatever. My girlfriend had been looking forward to our meeting and I think she was a little bit disappointed. But she told me she understood and the said that what she likes about our friendship is that we can look after ourselves in it and we don't get upset at each other for this kind of thing. It's true. I know she cares about me but also is learning about self-care. I am in the same boat, and I care about her too. It's good to be able to travel through this together, even on our separate journeys!
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Post by runrunrun on Sept 29, 2011 13:29:34 GMT -8
Been there done that. Once again thanks for the wise words healing!
RRR
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Post by hardlyquinn on Nov 25, 2012 2:37:28 GMT -8
But..... where do you find the line between being responsible for your own happiness, and being emotionally cut off? I'm not sure I understand the difference.
I have been told in the past that I come across as aloof, even my own mother said she found it hard to be close to me, but I really do want to have intimate relationships with those who matter to me. I just don't know how to do that without losing sight of what's reasonable to expect in a close relationship.
I either get too attached and make myself vulnerable, or not attached enough and send off repelling vibes.
My relationship with PoA became disordered because he was so emotionally unavailable and I was too needy. I'm sure if he had been more available to me I would have not become like that, (and I say that without blame, I know you can't make people give more than they want or are able). His boundaries were very clear and fiercely defended, mine were not. But I felt powerless to control my emotional needs where he was concerned.
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Post by LovelyJune on Nov 25, 2012 16:30:15 GMT -8
What you describe is not intimate at all. It's "emotion" and "longing." Learning to be intimate with someone begins very slowly, as friends. If you are naturally aloof, there's nothing wrong with that. You need to find someone who can balance out your aloofness. Try to imagine your best friend or a family member. With who in this world are you most yourself? Think about it. That's most likely a good indicator of what you are capable of. You can also READ about healthy relatonships and intimacy. Here is a book list. thelovelyaddict.com/books/ The Dance of Intimacy and The Intimacy Factor are good ones!
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