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Post by newbie on Dec 29, 2011 12:22:12 GMT -8
So my crazy, wacky, out of control, abusive sister is in town! She's been texting and calling me non stop with claims she critically ill and in need of someonme to pay her bills although she's travelled all the way to another coutnry, here! Plus she's been somewhere else before getting here for a friends wedding, which she claims she got on credit cards!
Anyway, my father calls me on my birthday last sat, and claims he's going out of town (lives in the same country as me). Apparently he knew she was coming. So he tells me he's going away to a beach resort, even though he claimed he had no cash before hand and could no assist my sister with her health care.
Anyway, she goes to his home and guess what? He's not out of town, he's home, so I find out he's lying to me to escape the mad woman and story of his life any responsibility.
I cut this man off for 7 years, and have only recently been back in touch with him. My sister is a NUT and will not stop texting me abuse, her latest text stating that if I do not become more compassionate I will end up like my heartless father.
So I feel so stressed, I semi fainted\tripped whilst out and hit my head. I can't belive my family. I'm reading co dependant no more by Pia Melloday and desperately trying to detatch!
I've deleted my fathers number again. I don't want a relationship with a liar, I have no respect for him! But I love him. I don't want a relationship with him because he plays us siblings off on each other.
I can't decide if nc is right, akthough I am using it with my sister. I really want a loving dad who can save me from the pain, I fantasise about my ex coming back. If I cut off nmy dad I will feel the pain.
I text him before I deleted his number, and said I though you were out of town!
Anyway, I'm tired now, thinking of HALT. No doubt my sister willl continue texting and calling through out the night claiming that I'm heartless.
I'm sitting with it. Ignorining it. Keeping busy. But I wish I had a real dad! I resent him as I have gone to poas and felt used, impure and angry.
My mother also detests my dad and is glad when our relationship is sour. My younmger sis is a bit narcistic and acts like my dad isn't alive. But we started to have a relationship recently, anyway.....I don't want drama in my life anymore. Stuck!
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Post by sunflwrs4evr on Dec 29, 2011 12:41:38 GMT -8
newbie....i am so sorry you are going thru this.....your post sounds so much of what i am dealing with at this time....and so why am i dealing with it.....its their sh.....not mine.....i had to run to an al anon meeting today....if my sis texts me again...i will continue to tell her.....i cant help her....and i am ignoring my fathers messages...i am going to another al anon meeting tonight.....all this stuff is triggering me....and i worked to long and too hard and i am detaching with love...no one could do it for me....and i cant do it for anyone but myself.....and i am not throwing it all down the drain for sick people anymore...even if they are my flesh and blood....been there done that.....i am totally done....and working my program is the only thing that will keep me sane....do u go to meetings....can u make calls to people in program....take out the books and read....every little bit helps....dont respond to the texts either.....just for today....keep posting...Sun  |
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Post by newbie on Dec 29, 2011 12:44:57 GMT -8
Plus I'm out of town with my mum who's visiting (same coutnry) sea side, but its so cold. Want to get back home. My sister is texting me and calling my mum, were trying to make the most of this get away but its up and down. The hflat were staying in is not furished or warm. Mums property, best she could afford and unfinished dream of a love addict! Grrrrrr! Just trying to be a rational adult but feel emotional already got really angry with my elder sister swearing my head off screaming on the phone souting "what do you want??!" And resisted the temptation to send angry text to my father and just wrote "though you were out of tow!" Anyway, trying not to be emotional, dramatic.
Just feel tired! This is just part of the game, hasn't happened for a while, famiy drama. Keep imagining that I'm sitting in my exes car and discussing why I've had poas and my poor relationship with my father!
Why does the ex seem liKe a great rescuer when in reality he is a loser?! Keep reminding myself I am my own hero and my HP is here for me. How do I react? I don't want to see my abusive," critically. ill" sister, who's jet setting about with abuse. Nor do I want to be manipulated by my father who I keep feeling pain for or hear my mum talk about him or take my mad sisters side when she insults him! Hufff! I also told my mum she spoils my sister. Its just a big family drama! I told my sister, its like having an alcoholic for a sister, you're mentally ill!!
BIG deep breath!! Still going through withdrawal with my ex, its been 3 months and nc. But I feeling it all today! And I want a new man. Repeate to self: you are your own hero!! And exhale!!
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Post by newbie on Dec 29, 2011 12:52:48 GMT -8
Thanks sun! I won't respond to her texts, she's been going all week! I had a lovely birthday on saturday with friends and am away with mum, trying to enjoy. I hate to complain! I am not going to meetings but I do read here daily and buy lots of books, plus I journal and have worked some of the steps! I'm doing well, broke up with a man who was no good for me 3 months ago, it was only a 3 month relationship. But I doing nc, I'm taking care of myself and busy with life work. But my familly! My sister, my dad who's lying just make life fee so tough. I will not respond to her. Going to read a bit more Pia melody, co dependant no more. That book just speaks to me!! Thanks sun, good luck with family too. So disappointing!
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Post by happyberry on Dec 29, 2011 12:54:51 GMT -8
That really sucks, I am sorry.
I have applied the principles of the program to my family and work life on many occasions and it's been very helpful!
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Post by newbie on Dec 29, 2011 13:04:48 GMT -8
Yes, it sucks Happy, tyring not to get bogged down by it am okay. So which specific principles? I am trying to detatch and I'm applyin nc where appropriate. Just trying to deal with this storm. Life is relatively good otherwise. My personal life, just this family of mine!!
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Post by looking4direction on Dec 29, 2011 13:25:15 GMT -8
I went thru something similar with my own abuser.
did not talk to her for 3 years, starting in 2003. I did make contact with her again in 2007, before she passed away.
During that time I was away from her, I still had to face that I loved her.
And now I have to face that I loved her even though she was not able to love me.
It hurts, I know.
But we deserve more that what they gave us.
We are our own hero!
Carol
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Post by newbie on Dec 29, 2011 13:47:09 GMT -8
Yes Carol, I guess sometimes we love people who are abusive or treat us badly, we do because they are family. I try ti convoince myself I won't care, but that goes against my true feelings which frustrates me. Thanks, that maKes sense.
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Post by runrunrun on Dec 29, 2011 15:17:32 GMT -8
I suggest the book Boundaries too. It taught me a lot. Even how to set boundaries with family. And how to protect yourself. Its a great book. It seems like you need to set boundaries with both your sister and dad now.
I feel for you. I am often in the same boat. My family drives me nuts. Well my sisters dont. But my parents do. Thats why I set really strong boundaries with them and keep my distance. Its all I can do to protect myself.
RRR
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Post by newbie on Dec 29, 2011 15:43:23 GMT -8
RRR, thanks, is Boundaries by Pia Mellody to? I agree. Yes, I also need to look at how I communicate back, with my sister I don't want to get angry with the sick person. Just assert my position. With regards to my dad lying to me, I'm kind of disappointed, for years I guess I have used denial to protect my self.
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Post by newbie on Dec 30, 2011 5:12:49 GMT -8
Okay, I feel better today. No texts from her. Realise yesterday I may have been feeling the drama. The old drama. Well I realise she should be gone at the end of the week and that I need boundaries and realitstic expectations from my father it does not need to be a mess on my head. I am co dependant, I realise that, so my habbits and ways of reatcing will take some time to change. Progress, not perfectioon! Look forward to setting some goals for the new year! "Let go, let God"
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Post by runrunrun on Dec 31, 2011 4:27:02 GMT -8
Boundaries is by Henry Cloud. He has a couple other good books out there too. I read his Safe People book.
RRR
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Post by newbie on Dec 31, 2011 15:33:57 GMT -8
Thanks RRR on my reading list for 2012 (: Happy New Year!
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