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Post by Loving My Life on Aug 4, 2011 3:50:05 GMT -8
I was doing good working my program, until my POA contacted me on monday evening, i did not talk to him, but ever since my mind has gone crazy thinking and obsessing again. Thinking it will be different this time, (not). He has not changed, it is only my wish. Im new on this forum. I need some suggestions as 2 how to get over this, my heart is aching. And since he contacted me now it is like im just anxious about the next "ping". I told him Monday to stop calling/texting again. That I really did not appreciate him popping back in here every 10 days and upsetting me all over again, I trying so hard to heal from all of this. Thx everyone for any suggestions. ;-)
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Post by Bo on Aug 4, 2011 4:12:58 GMT -8
"Progress Not Perfection" is what helps me at times like this, also not sure I've shared the withdrawal workbook with you, but it has really helped my recovery program. I highly recommend the Surviving Withdrawal workbook, which has lots of tips, tools and exercises to stay occupied in a healthy way during the withdrawal period. To me, it’s like having a LA Therapist at my side 24/7. I literally slept with this book (along with a pen and a highlighter). Here is the link to Susan’s Recommendation of the Workbook (You get access to it immediately, it’s not free, but it’s a lot cheaper than even one therapy session…I also had to pay a little extra to have it printed and spiral bound at a local copy shop)...here's the link: laarecovery.proboards.com/index.cgi?board=drawal&action=display&thread=8815You're doing a great job with your recovery, One day at a time. |
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Post by Bo on Aug 4, 2011 4:18:32 GMT -8
p.s. when I did NC, doing it 100% is what helped me. They have a saying in AA about half-measures, (I forgot the exact quote), but to me it means, to half-azz do work recovery is a waste of time.
So NC, for me was not even listening to the voice messages, deleting all the emails, and voice messages...unread, unheard. I blocked emails, and found out they were still coming through because I did not delete the PoA from my contacts. 100% NC works!
Also, keep in mind, NC is for our own Recovery, and when we are better and stronger, perhaps one day we will be able to say "Hello or Bonjour" to our PoAs without getting all emotionally unstable and going off the deep end emotionally, until then try as best you can 100% for a specified period of time while going through withdrawal and working the 12 Steps.
Progress Not Perfection.
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Post by Loving My Life on Aug 4, 2011 5:02:19 GMT -8
Thx Bo, can we get a hard copy of the workbook mailed to us? b/c im on my phone and not a computer, cant download too print. But the quote from AA is "half measures avail us nothing". Ive been in AA 2 years now, no problem giving up alcohol, i was ready to stop drinking. maybe thats what is happening, im holding onto hope and a dream, that my POA, was the man Ive been waiting for. It is hard to let go, but iam trying. thx for everything.
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Post by overcomer on Aug 4, 2011 6:05:39 GMT -8
I'm sorry that you are down too. Those thoughts about your POA "changing", "the man you you've been waiting for", etc are nothing but fantasies.
Try to reach to your HP, journal your thoughts, emotions, and respond to your needs through your logical mind and read recovery books. Things truly get better in time. Just keep going! :-)
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Post by runrunrun on Aug 4, 2011 15:04:38 GMT -8
Block his phone calls and emails. This way you wont get pinged.
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Post by Bo on Aug 4, 2011 16:09:03 GMT -8
I think NC is alot like No More Drinking for the AA. So I'm sure you understand that concept. We cannot keep taking a little sip of our PoA's, and expect to recover or become sober. It simply will not work. When you are truly ready, you will know.
One of my biggest problems with my Love Addiction was I was too afraid to have "nobody" in my life. Who or what would I be without a man? So I kept lying to myself and accepting profound disrespect.
I agree with RRR, block, block, block!
Lastly, I do not know if you can get the workbook in hardcopy.
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Post by Loving My Life on Aug 4, 2011 18:15:17 GMT -8
Thx Bo I sent a email abt the workbook. Thx also RRR...I have been online all afternoon writing on the steps, and I have alot more clarity. Ive never been a submissive women, but I b/c one 2 plz my POA, and I kept feeling like a victim, iam not a victim, i allowed this to happen to me. I thought when i got sober, i was not suppose to b a *b*, not, im still the same strong woman i was drinking or sober, but I know i never ever want a man to have that much control over me. I going to continue writing on the rest of the over the weekend. The obsessive thoughts have stopped, since I took some action. I wish I had of found this site a year ago. Thx everyone...this is a "WE" program....best therapy in town. lol ;-)
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Post by Healing Ku'uipo on Aug 4, 2011 18:41:23 GMT -8
Good for you for stating your need for No contact to him. I remember when I got to that point, I felt like I was ready to take my power back.
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Post by Jacarandagirl on Aug 5, 2011 4:46:50 GMT -8
Yup. Sounds like you're moving in the right direction. Anticipate that you're going to go through withdrawals and get some books on LA, and someone you can call when you're going crazy with it who can be sane and support you not to contact him. It will get easier to handle. Somehow when it was the time for me to stop the merry-go-round I just found the words coming out of my mouth. Every time he asked me if there was a chance that I'd take him back I found the word "No" coming out of my mouth! It really surprised me. It felt like it wasn't even me saying it. I really think something else got me through that time.
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