Post by hardlyquinn on Nov 27, 2012 3:32:17 GMT -8
Below are the symptoms of borderline personality disorder according to government guidelines (National Institute for Health and Clinical Excellence [NICE] 2009). A doctor may diagnose you with borderline personality disorder if you have five or more of these symptoms and if the symptoms have a significant impact on your everyday life.
- you have emotions that are up and down (for example, feeling confident one day and feeling despair another), with feelings of emptiness and often anger
- you find it difficult to make and maintain relationships
- you have an unstable sense of identity, such as thinking differently about yourself depending on who you are with
- you take risks or do things without thinking about the consequences
- you harm yourself or think about harming yourself (for example, cutting yourself or overdosing)
- you fear being abandoned or rejected or being alone
- you sometimes believe in things that are not real or true (called delusions) or see or hear things that are not really there (called hallucinations).
If you have BPD you may have had a series of unstable and intense relationships, or felt the need to cling too long to damaging relationships. This may be because you feel insecure, alone or lack self-worth.
You may have a poor self image, feel that you don't fit or belong, and find that your moods and feelings change rapidly. Therefore you may find social relationships difficult.
The causes of BPD are unclear. Most researchers think that BPD develops through a combination of factors, including temperament, childhood and adolescent experiences. Difficult life events such as the early loss of a parent, childhood neglect, sexual or physical abuse are common in people diagnosed with BPD, though this is not always the case.
Stressful experiences, such as the break-up of a relationship or the loss of a job, can lead to already present symptoms of BPD getting worse.
I remember once years ago looking at the description of BPD and thinking, Hmmm, that sounds a bit like me, but it sounds so tragic that I can't possibly fit the criteria, but now I'm not so sure. I actually do identify with quite a lot of those things, although not to the extent that they have had a hugely significant impact on my life.
I have been good at arranging things so that my very close to the surface emotions don't overflow very often. I minimise stress as much as possible. I married a man whose own family of origin is much more dysfunctional even than my own, so he barely notices when I fly off the handle.
Somehow I don't feel the need to get emotional with my female friends, so I have quite a number and those friendships are very good and fulfilling, it's just with men that I seem to have difficulty and I wonder if it's because the men I have chosen are very much like my father, who was really not very good at being in close relationships or have any time for or sensitivity to emotional distress. 'Get over it', is always what I'm used to. 'Why so serious?', or 'Lighten up.' I can remember once telling him how lonely and homesick I had been at boarding school and he told me that I was mistaken, I had been perfectly happy.
Maybe some men are more able to handle expressions of emotion, more empathic. I don't really know. Maybe I'm just too emotional, and they are right.
But I do feel different about myself, seing myself through the prism of the Borderline type personality outline. I remember my mother being very similar, and getting a very similar response from my father. We were both invalidated by his indifference and lack of empathy, but she was an adult and did what adults do, she left him and I don't blame her, although her family did. They thought he was so perfect, but they didn't have to live with him.
I remember feeling suicidal as a teen because my dad was so unfeeling towards me and made me feel like no matter what I achieved, it would never be enough to earn his praise or admiration. I really hated him then. I've let go of it now, though. I used self harm in terms of alcohol and cigarette use, and was promiscuous for a couple of years in my early twenties, gave that up as well. Now all I do is eat the odd bar of chocolate.
I've felt undermined by my excess of emotion all my life. I've tried very hard to contain it and consequently live a very quiet life away from the hurly burly of the world, but it can be quite isolating. I want to have good relationships with people. I want to be able to go out into the world without fearing that I'm going to keep making an idiot of myself, but somehow I seem to keep managing to do just that.
I felt I had dealt with my self esteem issues, but my recent experiences with PoA and how badly I have behaved towards him show that they were just under the surface, and that work has to be ongoing. I have very strong abandonment issues, and suffer acute pain when faced with the loss of attachment relationships, consequently I rarely allow myself to attach, but sometimes, as with PoA it just happens, and boy have I punished him for getting bored with me.
It will never be finished, that much is certain. I would like to be able to reduce my emotional burden, but apparently some people are born with more intense emotions than others, and if the conditions of invalidation are there will go on to develop BPD.
Does anyone else identify with this definition? I know Susan says Love Addiction is just another name for BPD, so I guess I'm not the only one on here who feels they may be on the BPD spectrum.
I had wondered if I had a bit of Asperger's syndrome, my sons have it, and I know OCD and autistic type disorders are connected.
What I do know is that now I know this about myself I can take steps to avoid the potential pitfalls, and direct my efforts at personal development in a much more focussed and targetted way,, so I feel hopeful rather than despairing.
- you have emotions that are up and down (for example, feeling confident one day and feeling despair another), with feelings of emptiness and often anger
- you find it difficult to make and maintain relationships
- you have an unstable sense of identity, such as thinking differently about yourself depending on who you are with
- you take risks or do things without thinking about the consequences
- you harm yourself or think about harming yourself (for example, cutting yourself or overdosing)
- you fear being abandoned or rejected or being alone
- you sometimes believe in things that are not real or true (called delusions) or see or hear things that are not really there (called hallucinations).
If you have BPD you may have had a series of unstable and intense relationships, or felt the need to cling too long to damaging relationships. This may be because you feel insecure, alone or lack self-worth.
You may have a poor self image, feel that you don't fit or belong, and find that your moods and feelings change rapidly. Therefore you may find social relationships difficult.
The causes of BPD are unclear. Most researchers think that BPD develops through a combination of factors, including temperament, childhood and adolescent experiences. Difficult life events such as the early loss of a parent, childhood neglect, sexual or physical abuse are common in people diagnosed with BPD, though this is not always the case.
Stressful experiences, such as the break-up of a relationship or the loss of a job, can lead to already present symptoms of BPD getting worse.
I remember once years ago looking at the description of BPD and thinking, Hmmm, that sounds a bit like me, but it sounds so tragic that I can't possibly fit the criteria, but now I'm not so sure. I actually do identify with quite a lot of those things, although not to the extent that they have had a hugely significant impact on my life.
I have been good at arranging things so that my very close to the surface emotions don't overflow very often. I minimise stress as much as possible. I married a man whose own family of origin is much more dysfunctional even than my own, so he barely notices when I fly off the handle.
Somehow I don't feel the need to get emotional with my female friends, so I have quite a number and those friendships are very good and fulfilling, it's just with men that I seem to have difficulty and I wonder if it's because the men I have chosen are very much like my father, who was really not very good at being in close relationships or have any time for or sensitivity to emotional distress. 'Get over it', is always what I'm used to. 'Why so serious?', or 'Lighten up.' I can remember once telling him how lonely and homesick I had been at boarding school and he told me that I was mistaken, I had been perfectly happy.
Maybe some men are more able to handle expressions of emotion, more empathic. I don't really know. Maybe I'm just too emotional, and they are right.
But I do feel different about myself, seing myself through the prism of the Borderline type personality outline. I remember my mother being very similar, and getting a very similar response from my father. We were both invalidated by his indifference and lack of empathy, but she was an adult and did what adults do, she left him and I don't blame her, although her family did. They thought he was so perfect, but they didn't have to live with him.
I remember feeling suicidal as a teen because my dad was so unfeeling towards me and made me feel like no matter what I achieved, it would never be enough to earn his praise or admiration. I really hated him then. I've let go of it now, though. I used self harm in terms of alcohol and cigarette use, and was promiscuous for a couple of years in my early twenties, gave that up as well. Now all I do is eat the odd bar of chocolate.
I've felt undermined by my excess of emotion all my life. I've tried very hard to contain it and consequently live a very quiet life away from the hurly burly of the world, but it can be quite isolating. I want to have good relationships with people. I want to be able to go out into the world without fearing that I'm going to keep making an idiot of myself, but somehow I seem to keep managing to do just that.
I felt I had dealt with my self esteem issues, but my recent experiences with PoA and how badly I have behaved towards him show that they were just under the surface, and that work has to be ongoing. I have very strong abandonment issues, and suffer acute pain when faced with the loss of attachment relationships, consequently I rarely allow myself to attach, but sometimes, as with PoA it just happens, and boy have I punished him for getting bored with me.
It will never be finished, that much is certain. I would like to be able to reduce my emotional burden, but apparently some people are born with more intense emotions than others, and if the conditions of invalidation are there will go on to develop BPD.
Does anyone else identify with this definition? I know Susan says Love Addiction is just another name for BPD, so I guess I'm not the only one on here who feels they may be on the BPD spectrum.
I had wondered if I had a bit of Asperger's syndrome, my sons have it, and I know OCD and autistic type disorders are connected.
What I do know is that now I know this about myself I can take steps to avoid the potential pitfalls, and direct my efforts at personal development in a much more focussed and targetted way,, so I feel hopeful rather than despairing.
