Hypnosis: Comments from Members

Susan...I am confused...so hypnosis will erase the memories....Not sure what you mean by torchbearer...but this time around I am the one who is devastated and pursuing him..and being the fool taking scaps

mb123
I´ve tried hypnosis and it did work but it isn´t as simple as erasing memories.

When my husband left me, I had a hard time getting over the rejection, though I knew we had been drifting apart years before. I would be fine for a couple of weeks, then I´d fall into deep despair, even while I knew I was better off without him. It was a never ending cycle so finally I decided to try hypnosis to get over him.

Hypnosis brought me back to my first memories of being rejected and feeling abandoned like that. The thing it does, is it takes you to the first ocasion when this happened to you, so you can overcome that particular experience. The idea is that all subsequent experiences are a repetition of that particular time when you were rejected like that and didn´t know how to deal with it. So in my case, it had more to do with a time when I was actually abandoned, not with love for my husband.

I must say that it did work, I felt immediate relief after one or two sessions, and from then on things just evolved inside of me until I realized those feelings of despair were completely gone. But it was some kind of shock to relive those earlier experiences (I do seem to be easily hypnotized, but the hypnotist told me most people do get there eventually, after 3-4 sessions).

As for the PoA I had after my husband, I haven´t tried to get over him with hypnosis but I think that was because I was holding on to him. I know I associate him with some very intense fears I have, and I guess I was just not ready to face them.

mb123,

I need to ask something? What are you doing for your recovery? For yourself? Everytime someone gives you suggestions, you always find a excuse of how it want work.

When we are in recovery, we have to take some actions for our recovery.

It seems like you really dont want your poa to leave or that you really dont want to forget him. Your just want sympathy...im not being harsh, I was just wondering what your recovery plans are?

For my recovery, reading books, message boards, trying different meetings and support groups. Forcing myself outside of my comfort zone and going to more outings functions and trying to meet more friends...healthy friends. Lets see...I've tried affirmations, mantras, and I have tried hypnosis but it was very expensive and in NYC...so I couldn't continue...found one here...but it wasn't as effective...the only thing i haven't been doing is excercise...but I'm going to join a friend ...a healthy friend at a weekly yoga class on Tues evenings starting next week....I have been reaching out to people that I ordinarily don't reach out to. Aside from that I have 2 kids I care for and a business I'm responsible for. So even though it seems like my progress is slow...it is there...I wish it was better...but I can't get poa out of my head. Part of me may not want him to leave...but the brain part definitely wants him out of my head and my heart because I know he is unhealthy. I know hypnosis may not be a cure all...but at least it is something...I don't know what else to do. I do pray and even tried church/confession/etc...giving it to God...but I lack in spirituality and that is a problem too.

mb123, it sounds like you are able to discern between two distinct ways of thinking: with your head and with your heart. One is obviously the logical (adult) side of you, the other is the emotional (child) side of you. Not sure if you know this, but you do not have to think and feel with both. You can choose one! Humans have the natural, instinctual ability to shut one off and use the other.

What exactly do I mean?

Well, love addicts tend to think almost solely with their hearts, the emotional, child-within side of them. Characteristically, they tend to more impulsive, emotional, making decisions by how they "feel" as opposed to logically determining right from wrong. This is a huge imbalance and does not afford you the luxury of making logical decisions about people (like detecting red flags, etc).

Eventually, you want a balance of these two forces, but in recovery, it is absolutely OK for the pendulum to swing in the opposite direction and for you to turn off the emotional thinking for a while and use only your logic. How do you do that? Well, every time the PoA pops into your head, you use your adult brain to quickly come up with logical reasons he should not be there.

-We're no longer together.
-He doesn't want me.
-What is the evolutionary reason I should keep him in my brain (there isn't one)?
-How will a thought of him change or improve the person I am?
-He had these red flags…

etc.

The more you exercise your logical brain, the better chance it has to "win" against your emotional brain, which is probably still in control and making decisions.

Basically, this is a teaching tool. It gives YOU the power (as opposed to a hypnotist) to change your thinking.

In my case, I never in a million years knew I could control the two sides of my thinking--until I tried. And it changed my life.

Give it a try! Let us know what you "think"!

I will make a suggestion on working on your inner child, this is some painful stuff, and it is a deep read, but if you can get into a group meeting with a sponsor, as recommended in this book, I believe it will help you alot. It helped me, I took my time reading it, and I would only read so much, and then sit with my feelings and let this stuff sink in. I only ran on emotions for years and up until a few months ago, I did not know there was any other way to react, but there is.....there is always two forks in the road, I never knew this, I would always take the road of pain and suffering, not the road to peace and serenity.

This book is Homecoming: Reclaiming & Healing Your Inner Child by John Bradshaw...and if you can not afford to buy this book, go to your local library and see if they have a copy to check out, or call this publisher of this book and see if they will donate a copy to you.

It really has helped me to identify if my little Carolyn is running the show...(emotions), or if my adult Carolyn (logic) is running the show.....we just have to become aware of these things, and then we can make better decisions, on how we choose to react to life.

Learning to Live Life on Life's Terms, and it is a much more peaceful existense.

And that is exactly where the problem started, as a very young child, we were trying to raise our parents, our parents were little kids themselves, so we learn survival skills as a child, we become peace makers, and we become the surrogate parent, so this worked as a child, but it does not work in real life as an adult. We have to re-parent our inner child, and we learn new coping skills, we learn it is okay for people to come in and our of our life, no one person is always going to be a constant in our life. And this is where all of the codependency comes from, we think if we give all of ourselves to someone, this will keep them from leaving us, and this is just not so, and our little kid keeps getting hurt over and over again, with being rejected.

But once we become aware of this and why we are feeling rejected, we will learn new coping skills to get thru the pain, instead of having a temper tantrum. I know it has helped me alot to identify were all of this stuff was coming from.

And I felt the same way last week when my boss said my job was ending at the end of the year, i felt the same rejection then as well, so now I am just having to revert back to where all of these feeling are coming from. And looking for another job, Im glad I have these tools now, because you get alot of rejections when you start looking for a job. hahahaha

As they say mb123, we grow up in recovery. As painful as some of this stuff is to look at, once you get thru the pain, it does feel so much better. We are not bad people, we just did not have proper parenting, and we just did the best we could. So dont beat yourself up, talk to your inner child, and let her know that you will be there for her, and she does not have to fight and worry anymore, that you will take care of her, comfort her when she is hurting, and you will begin to see and feel the calm from the inside out, once you become aware of who is running the show. The adult or the child.

Good for you for ordering the book, you will get so much from reading it. And dont try and rush thru it....read a little and give yourself time to process what you have read...It took me about 3 months to read the book, and I still go back and read it, when Im having problems sorting things out. It is progress, and we just have to re train our brain...you have helped me as well this morning....my little kid is running the show this morning also, so my adult Carolyn has go to take charge and get things done. lol

Have a wonderful "recovery" day. :-)

I also want to add that some people are simply more emotional than others. I'm Italian and in my family it's typical to be very emotional. But too much emotion (making emotional, impulsive decisions in matters that really need deep thought and logic), can be toxic and counterproductive. You can still maintain the beauty of your emotional self, but learn to make logical decisions! It just takes training

In regards to torch Bearers being obsessed with someone who is unavailable. I take it this could mean more than just the other person being married, or being a Hollywood star (dumb example) but also the other person being emotionally unavailable, etc, etc??