Post by elizabeth925 on Feb 4, 2013 8:37:56 GMT -8
I dont even know where to begin.
I am addicted to someone who I had just sexual relations with but we have tried to date and it was a toxic relationship. I did things as far as having Threesomes just because HE wanted them. I am at the point now that I need help to get over this MAN.
I spy on him, via his emails, social networks & I even somehow figured out how to find him when he is out.
I really just want this to go away, and it's to the point I feel like I am losing myself over this one person. I have fell in-love with him but at this point I don't I just Love who HE is as a person. But I just need to stop trying to keep HIM in my life.
Like I said I just want to move on and not feel this way about him.
When you love someone who is having an ill or negative affect upon you, or placing you in dangerous situations, this is NOT LOVE. This is your inner emotions crying out to be loved by anybody--it doesn't matter who, you don't care---as long as you are loved and you can forget your reality.
Love addiction is that way. We obsess over people who are inappropriate for us, but they save us from having to face who we are all by ourselves.
Read and post. Those are your first two steps toward healing and recovery.
Post by Jacarandagirl on Feb 4, 2013 17:26:55 GMT -8
Isn't it great that even when you don't know where to begin, as you say, you just begin anyway and now you've begun and you've taken the first step! So cool. I recommend finding a CoDA group and a therapist as well as this forum, there is so much support out there for us, if we only can face turning around and opening our arms. Weird, and the mind would say it's not true, but I'm getting more and more that that's how it really is. It frightens me to imagine being loved. Woah. I have been getting more and more support over the last 18 months and I'm doing the 12 steps in CoDA. I'm doing step 4, it's absolutely amazing, when i am brave enough to go in there. Can't recommend it highly enough.
The addiction is actually an addiction to not getting what we think we crave- love. It's about finding people who reinforce what we learnt as kids- that love is not available to us. It's about trying to change that which will never change with our efforts- an unavailable man. With no hope of success, we live in a safe state of discomfort. Not challenged by any real love, that would be too scary, what might the world want from us then if we were loved? That's my thought.
"You deserve better than something that may be comfortable for you but you already know doesn't work and that you'll be complaining about soon enough and hoping that something or someone else will do what you can't even do for yourself. You deserve better - you deserve change".
Excerpt from www.baggagereclaim.com