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Post by Loving My Life on Feb 6, 2013 19:11:45 GMT -8
It is because your are a love addict....and it seems you are in a panic of sorts, you need to just catch your breathe, and try to relax, whatever that is.....you need to take care of your needs, go and take a shower, and eat, and do anything to get your thoughts to slow down.
Trust me, there is no magic answer to make these obsession stop, it takes time and recovery.
And people come on this forum off and on, and sometimes you will not get a response right away, so it is also a good idea to have this and other friends and resources to reach out too when you are needing someone at that very moment.
I see you are posting alot, and if you can post in one forum that would be good, and then it is in a condensed place, and it is much easier to read, and for others too read.
Breathe and meditate and slow your thoughts down.....your going to get thru this.
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Post by Loveanimals on Feb 6, 2013 22:07:10 GMT -8
Are there some local meetings you can go to? Even an AA meeting would be helpful because this board, unlike other recovery boards I'm on, doesn't seem to have immediate responses....
Take care of you now.
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Post by LovelyJune on Feb 7, 2013 4:05:27 GMT -8
Write it down. Keep a journal. I too forgot. But, there's a battle within each of us between our logical (adult) brain and our emotional (child) heart. Our emotions do not recognize reason. They do not see red flags or sniff out danger. Only our brain and gut do that. Our emotions do whatever they heck they want and if you let them, will have you carried all the way to fantasy land.
Because love addiction is such a fantasy-based addiction, we tend to "believe" that our emotions are telling the truth. If we feel love for someone, then it must be a solid relationship. Well, this is pure nonesense. A solid, healthy relationship is based on actions and facts, not feelings or wishes.
So, at least temporarily, turn off the emotions. DOn't let them guide you or do the thinking for you! Let only your brain be charge for now. WHen you do that, you will see a much clearer picture.
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Post by LovelyJune on Feb 8, 2013 2:39:32 GMT -8
It's VERY hard to, at first, see the difference between thinking with your brain, and thinking with your heart. But what helped me was to write down FACTS ONLY. So… say you wrote an emotional email to a PoA, telling him you loved him, but you had several problems that you'd like addressed. And say that PoA responded two days later with an email that ignored the core parts of your email and maybe he just sent you a link as a sign of friendship on a totally different topic.
The brain recognizes that this is not proper communication. Something in your brain says, "Hey! He didn't respond to my email properly by addressing the problems I put forth."
The heart only recognizes that he responded. The heart says, "He reached out! I have such strong feelings for him! He must really want to connect to me!"
And because the emotional/heart side of you has the fantasy-version that you WANT to believe, you stick with that. Well, the emotional response doesn't have it right. The emotional side of you is "interpreting" the experience as it wishes it to be, not as it is.
So….to remove emotional thinking, keep forcing your brain to think ONLY in terms of facts, and what is logically happening. Stop trusting the other person (I know, how horrible, right?). Start trusting your gut. Believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see. Recognize the thoughts in your head. Catch what they are telling you. Are they trying to put a positive spin on actions that don't logically represent what you want them to? Or are they steering you in a realistic direction? It's very hard to do in the moment. But can be done, in a journal, writing things down. It's also good to depend on another person's judgment you trust. SOmeone who will be shrewdly honest with you. At least for a little while, until you are able to start to trust your own judgment again. Does this help?
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Post by EPLJourney on Feb 8, 2013 3:43:36 GMT -8
I relate to this so much today. Woke up sick with thoughts of POA and our conversation last night. Dr Jekyl, Mr Hyde...
LovelyJune, your explanation above is so wonderful...it really helps to put it in perspective. I will try your suggestions today.
I know this wasn't my post, SweetWriterGirl, but I am grateful you posted it.
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