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Post by fairydust on Jan 21, 2008 4:12:10 GMT -8
I've noticed quite a lot of negative self-talk happening here. We are who we think we are, so if our internalised messages about ourselves are negative, then we are undermining our recovery. We don't need somebody else to put us down. We're doing it to ourselves. And so when someone does put us down, we just silently agree with them!
It's hard to get rid of these messages which have been playing like a broken record in our minds for many, many years.
The first step is to 'hear' these messages and write them down. Then you can 'confront' them, argue with them, and hopefully eradicate them.
I've heard about standing in front of a mirror and telling myself how wonderful I am, but I haven't been able to do that yet. My low self-esteem (self-hatred) has held me back until now. Has anyone else tried this?
As a co-dependent, I have swung back and forth between being a 'less than' to a 'better than', but now I am proud to say that I don't do this much any more. That was my 'false self'. Now I'm more in touch with my 'real self'.
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Post by Firststephie on Jan 21, 2008 11:14:18 GMT -8
Fairydust,
Would youlike to share about your real self ? That's ok if you would rather keep it private. Knowing who we are is so important. I like the fact that I don't give to anything political out there in the "real world" I perform a service and I have had opportunities to gain more work by operating politically....and I won't do it. That is part of my real self. I like that I have ethics and refuse to play the game. I refuse to hurt anyone or gang up on anyone. I like that part of myself too. I will not do anything I don't believe in....even if it will enhance my life in some way. That's positive talk. I know we feel anxious sometimes about the troubles we bear and the negative talk seems to release some of the stress but we do need to let the positive take over.
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Post by fairydust on Jan 22, 2008 1:09:42 GMT -8
Thank you for your share, firststephie. My negative self-talk goes like this:
I can't have (what I want and need)
[Because I was not allowed to have what I wanted/needed as a child, I grew up
not knowing what I wanted and needed, particularly in regard to men]
I don't deserve (to have what other girls have)
[This goes back to my teenage years when I had a huge inferiority complex,
and was happy just to have a boyfriend, no matter what he was like]
I'm working on challenging both of these negative messages now. I can do it now because I have a strong sense of self (who I am) and self-worth (value).
I am going to write each of these negative statements on the top of a page in my self-esteem sstuffbook and write down new statements about myself that counteract them.
Will let you know what I come up with.
I hope you do not mind me saying this, but calling yourself 'last' stephie sounds like negative self-talk to me. It jars me every time I see it. Can you change your name to 'first' stephie? Sounds much better to me.
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Post by Firststephie on Jan 23, 2008 10:40:43 GMT -8
Sure, Stephie is not my name anyway but you are right....Firststephie could mean that I would come first. I will share that the word last to me meant something else......referring to the "last" time of treating myself badly.
I do feel that positive self talk is very important and the negative self talk such as ruminating about what I did not get from my mother and how it affects my neediness now really gets to be like a broken record.
Yet, I either need to be happy alone or make an efffort to find places a woman in her late fifties would go to interact.....aand find acceptance.
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Post by fairydust on Jan 23, 2008 22:37:10 GMT -8
We are on the same wavelength, firststephie. I'm looking for opportunities to interact socially too. I'm having coffee tomorrow with a lady I met a couple of years ago and became quite friendly with. We lost contact somehow. Probably when my landline (phone) got cut off and I got a mobile phone instead. I've joined an art society, but not one in the city because the people here are too 'up themselves'. Aussie-speak for pretentious and very self-important. The art society I have joined is 50 km from Sydney, in a semi-rural area where the people are much more down-to-earth. I lived out there in 2000 when I went through a period of homelessness. Again, lots of positive things came out of that negative experience. Funnily enough, the first person I met there was one of the most prominent local artists. She asked me if I wanted to learn to paint and I said no because I was so stressed about not having a job or anywhere to live. And here I am finally doing it seven years later.
Honestly, firststephie sounds so much better than laststephie!
Put it up in lights. Firststephie.
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Post by fairydust on Jan 23, 2008 22:37:37 GMT -8
[glow=red,2,300]Firststephie[/glow]
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Post by Firststephie on Jan 24, 2008 12:15:53 GMT -8
I think you really like that name "Firststephie"
Well, I too think about people who are "uppity" and worry that I won't fit in or worry what they will think of me. Some of the most horrible, mean, horrendous people live in mansions and have lots of money. I would never want them for my firend. This is part of the values I have. No matter what meets the eye, it's what is inside a person that counts. You are such a creative, artistic and intelligent person. And.......you care about others. Look at your concern of the "laststephie" name having a negative connotation for me. Bravo !!
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Post by Rainbows Always on Feb 8, 2008 4:52:41 GMT -8
First stephie and fairydust re above. I just had a little querie, First Stephie; at first I thought "laststephie' was a negative name too. When questioned by another you explained that Last stephie, was named because it was the "last' time you were going to be hard on yourself.
Which to me makes perfect sense. So why did you change your name because someone else wanted you too???
I just thought it was ironinc seeing how the topic you guys had been posting was on boosting ones self esteem.
Just a querie???
If you liked your name and were happy with it, why change it to suit someone else?
I have posted a beautiful positive affirmation here that I think you will both love.
Rainbows always
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