Characteristics of a Co-Dependent

I wanted to share this again, I use to read this little booklet about 9 pages, everyday when I was new in recovery, a lot of the things in this book rang true for me. I did not even know what being Co-Dependent was until about 4 plus years ago, but this has cause a lot if not all of my problems in my life, I just did not know this..

So here are the characteristic of a co-dependent/love addict:

1) Typically, you come from a dysfunctional home (mine was alcoholic parents) in which your emotional needs were not met.

2) Having received little real nurturing yourself, you try to fill this unmet need vicariously by becoming a caregiver, especially to people who appear, in some way, needy.

3) Because you were never able to change your parents into the warm, loving caretakers you longed for, you respond deeply to the familiar type of emotionally unavailable person whom you can again try to change through your love. (This was me, and I still have to keep this in check)

4) Terrified of abandonment, you will do anything to keep a relationship from dissolving. (Hanging on for dear life)

5) Almost nothing is too much trouble, takes too much time, or is too expensive if it will "help" this person you are involved with.

6) Accustomed to lack of love in personal relationships, you are willing to wait, hope and try harder to please.

7) You are willing to take far more than 50 percent of the responsibility, guilt, and blame in any relationship.

8) Your self esteem is critically low, and deep inside you do not believe you deserve to be happy. Rather, you believe you must earn the right to enjoy life.

9) You have a desperate need to control your partner and your relationships, having experienced little security in childhood. You mask your efforts to control people and situations as being "being helpful". (Always look at your motives).

10) In a relationship, you are much more in touch with your dream of how it could be, than with the reality of your situation.

11) You are addicted to people and emotional pain. (We have a high tolerance for pain, and this is not healthy)

12) You may be predisposed emotionally and often biochemically to becoming addicted to drugs, alcohol and or certain foods, particularly sugary ones, sex or any addiction.

13) By being drawn to people with problems that need fixing or by being enmeshed in situations that are chaotic, uncertain, and emotionally painful, you avoid focusing on your responsibility to yourself.

14) You may have a tendency toward episodes of depression, which you try to forestall through the excitement provided by an unstable relationship.

15) You are not attracted to people who are kind, stable, reliable and interested in you. You find such "nice" people boring. (This really hit home for me)


I just wanted to share this again, and I was all of these in 2010, and I have to work at not being this way, and it took me awhile too turn all of this around, but I kept doing my recovery daily, and when things would come up I would sit and see what my part was, and was I trying to control someone and the outcome, and I would talk about it with others, and I worked on rebuilding my self-esteem, and my confidence began to rise, and I could make decisions to protect myself, and my life finally started to become less chaotic.

And just writing all of this and thinking back to 3 years ago, I was a complete mess, and I have made a lot of progress, and I am so blessed to be able to share my experience, strength, and hope with others, and just know this, your life will change also, just keep doing the deal, never stop having a open mind, and learning, this is a journey, not a destination.

People did have a lot of control over my life, but I had to learn a new way of dealing with people, and dealing with myself first and foremost. Today I love me the most, and I tell myself that daily, and more than once, and I really do love myself today, I thought I did before recovery, but I really did not, but I do today thanks to this forum and my local 12 step groups, and the wonderful friends I have met along this journey.

Thank you all for helping me also...