I have been analyzing my own behaviour and my own thoughts lots of times. So I was somehow aware of the fact that I am a love addict and never really tried to deny it. I even was saying jokingly that my POA is like a drug to me. I am very well aware that some things are bad or wrong and that those are the reasons why I feel depressed or sad but somehow I don't really want to stop them. I found myself many times creating drama just for the sake of the drama itself. I somehow enjoy these states of mind even if they are negative. I also notice that it really boosts my creativity, even if it's just about fantasizing, listening to music or even writing. It's like I'm in my own movie and it feels comfy because I know that I am the one who creates it and who has the power to stop it. I am not saying that I am able to control it or that I am able to just press a button and be in the state of mind that I want, but I DO KNOW that I COULD. On the other hand I am just scared that these induced depression and sadness are already taking over me and I won't be able to stop it anymore, and therefore I will never be able to be happy or to cherish what I have...
Post by Loving My Life on Jan 26, 2014 10:10:00 GMT -8
We also get addicted to pain, and drama, if this is the only way we have ever lived. I said this also when I first got sober, I did not know there way any other way to live. And my first few years being sober I would create a little drama, but now not so much. I have shifted now, from pain and suffering, to peace and serenity, this is not to say live is effortless and painless, I just now have a new outlet in which I can express myself and I don't stay in the pain and suffering long now.
Why do you think you like being in this dark place?
You can always use this also as a way to be creative, you can become an addiction counselor, and there is plenty of healthy drama there, you could find a healthy debate class to get involved with, and this is a way to express healthy drama. And these healthy activities would not leave you in a dark place.
If you keep telling yourself nothing will ever change, then nothing will ever change, because change is probably what scares you the most.
I can tell you from where I sit, and being in recovery for almost 5 years, there is nothing boring or dull about helping others, and there is a huge need out in society for the suffering.
"We become comfortably miserable; it is what we know. It is as though we are addicted to the drama, the chaos, and the pain..."
From Dr. Brenda Schaeffer's 3rd edition of "Is it Love or Is It Addiction" -- www.itsallaboutlove.com ("The focus of this site is to foster an understanding of love and love addiction. It is intended to help you identify the characteristics of healthy love and addictive love and free you to live life more abundantly.")
Last Edit: Jan 26, 2014 11:07:26 GMT -8 by havefaith
LML, I would actually absolutely love that. Trying to help others and giving advices is actually one of the things that I am good at and that I enjoy. I just guess that I should first work on myself more and solve my own issues before trying to help others. But in any case, do you have any tipps where I could find something like that? Maybe internet sites or maybe some certain classes? That would be really great! You can PM me if you want to. Thank you and have a nice evening!