Post by SandyLove on Sept 11, 2014 2:07:04 GMT -8
Stalking. I used to hate this word, and in many ways still do.
Three years ago, sometime, maybe 9 months after the torturous breakup of myself and then boyfriend (prior Poa), I will spare you the details, but he sent me a letter that he could never see me again as he was serious and committed with his new girlfriend. I was so devastated you cannot imagine and went into some kind of state. Now I understand these things better as people with love addiction can go into a child-like desperate state when the obect of their love affection is removed from them, but anyway, I went to his house because I "needed" to talk to him. I ended up waiting for him for 8 hours crying.
Later that week he had me arrested for stalking and harrassment.
That was 3 years ago.
It infuriated me that he did this. STalking? I was his old girlfriend going to his house? How could this be stalking I thought. Isn't stalking for crazy people that follow people around. I eventually came to some realizations that I had crossed some boundaries, and my behavior was not right, or beneficial to me most of all, but I never came to terms with the words stalking.
Until I came into this program and this forum.
This past August I had the opportunity to spend the month in a summer community where i had spent a lot of time with him and I knew he still did. This was also MY summer community where I had spent time almost every summer of my life. I had plenty of rational reasons to want to be there... my kids having fun at the beach, friend, etc. But in truth, when I arrived there, I was overwhelmed with the idea that I might bump into him. I took yoga at a local place, they had 3 windows. EVERY time someone would walk by, I looked up imagining it might be him. I had lunch at my favorite cafe, that used to be his favorite cafe, wondering if I would see him... I never did, he must of changed his favorite cafe or his whole schedule/routine entirely. EVERY time I picked out my clothes in the morning I thought, I'd better pick exactly the right thing since you never know when I will see him... I eventually will... this town is pretty small. God must have been at work because I never saw him the whole summer. But I read the definition of stalking on I think this website, and THIS IS STALKING. How horrible for me to have to admit this, and how humbling. You don't have to be a criminal or a killer to be a stalker, you can be a love addict with little ability to respect boundaries of other and even thought boundaries in your own mind.
It was at the end of that summer that I had the crisis of rock bottom that led me here, so that is good and I am thankful.
Now I am away from that place and in a big city where I feel safe and specifically safe from these "stalking" oriented thoughts. I feel I have to stay here for some time. It's hard, because I also love that summer place for so many other reasons and hope I do not have to lose it forever.
Three years ago, sometime, maybe 9 months after the torturous breakup of myself and then boyfriend (prior Poa), I will spare you the details, but he sent me a letter that he could never see me again as he was serious and committed with his new girlfriend. I was so devastated you cannot imagine and went into some kind of state. Now I understand these things better as people with love addiction can go into a child-like desperate state when the obect of their love affection is removed from them, but anyway, I went to his house because I "needed" to talk to him. I ended up waiting for him for 8 hours crying.
Later that week he had me arrested for stalking and harrassment.
That was 3 years ago.
It infuriated me that he did this. STalking? I was his old girlfriend going to his house? How could this be stalking I thought. Isn't stalking for crazy people that follow people around. I eventually came to some realizations that I had crossed some boundaries, and my behavior was not right, or beneficial to me most of all, but I never came to terms with the words stalking.
Until I came into this program and this forum.
This past August I had the opportunity to spend the month in a summer community where i had spent a lot of time with him and I knew he still did. This was also MY summer community where I had spent time almost every summer of my life. I had plenty of rational reasons to want to be there... my kids having fun at the beach, friend, etc. But in truth, when I arrived there, I was overwhelmed with the idea that I might bump into him. I took yoga at a local place, they had 3 windows. EVERY time someone would walk by, I looked up imagining it might be him. I had lunch at my favorite cafe, that used to be his favorite cafe, wondering if I would see him... I never did, he must of changed his favorite cafe or his whole schedule/routine entirely. EVERY time I picked out my clothes in the morning I thought, I'd better pick exactly the right thing since you never know when I will see him... I eventually will... this town is pretty small. God must have been at work because I never saw him the whole summer. But I read the definition of stalking on I think this website, and THIS IS STALKING. How horrible for me to have to admit this, and how humbling. You don't have to be a criminal or a killer to be a stalker, you can be a love addict with little ability to respect boundaries of other and even thought boundaries in your own mind.
It was at the end of that summer that I had the crisis of rock bottom that led me here, so that is good and I am thankful.
Now I am away from that place and in a big city where I feel safe and specifically safe from these "stalking" oriented thoughts. I feel I have to stay here for some time. It's hard, because I also love that summer place for so many other reasons and hope I do not have to lose it forever.