beyonce
New Member
formerly amywinehouse
Posts: 28 
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Post by beyonce on Dec 31, 2014 1:35:41 GMT -8
my sister told me today that i treat my dad poorly. i think she has a habit of forgetting who my dad is if they're getting along. you're not so keyed into the negative things because things are going swell for the moment.
but it makes me feel invalidated and confused. like i'm making up these problems and just being mean to him. and then i can't tell if i'm just projecting emotion onto him and making him out to be worse than he is, but i'm not.
once my sister point out how i treat him mean dad's quick to spin the negative attention on me and bask in the fact that he's not the one at fault (he has a habit of doing this). but he's just 'joking' so i must just be cranky.
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Post by LovelyJune on Dec 31, 2014 7:23:54 GMT -8
When someone is mean to you or a horrible person, it does not, in turn, give you the right to mean or horrible back. Your sister is drawing attention to your behavior. Why you are mean to your father doesn't compute in her world. Just that you are being mean. Take it for what it is. Don't allow it to validate or invalidate you. Decide if you want to continue to act this way towards your father or not. Now that you have someone else's perspective you can CHOOSE to readjust your behavior or not.
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beyonce
New Member
formerly amywinehouse
Posts: 28
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Post by beyonce on Dec 31, 2014 8:27:27 GMT -8
thank you LovelyJune and paisley. i'll definitely be thinking about that. i'm not sure how to stop channeling my resentment and anger into how i treat my dad. it just feels so impossible to act nice to him. i remember CodepNomore said to practice detachment and set up boundaries. i'll have to do some looking up about what that means. |
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Post by CodepNomore on Dec 31, 2014 10:51:49 GMT -8
I explained a bit about detachment and setting up boundaries here... Read more: loveaddictionforum.proboards.com/thread/16196/relocation?page=1#ixzz3NVBPKiRqbeyonce, after analyzing your posts and responses, I conclude that as ironically as it may sound, behind all these seemingly angry gestures toward your dad, is a "hope deferred" that makes your heart sick or disappointed. You have placed your dad on an imaginary, ideal role/pedestal and you are disappointed because he has failed or come short of your expectations. So you don't seriously hate him as much as you are disappointed with your real dad. To help you deal with your disappointments (which is the real underlying cause I'm seeing here as of now), can you write a list of your "ideal dad" and another list of your "real dad"? And then a list of "ideal daughter" and "real daughter"? |
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beyonce
New Member
formerly amywinehouse
Posts: 28
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Post by beyonce on Jan 3, 2015 6:31:30 GMT -8
I explained a bit about detachment and setting up boundaries here... Read more: loveaddictionforum.proboards.com/thread/16196/relocation?page=1#ixzz3NVBPKiRqbeyonce, after analyzing your posts and responses, I conclude that as ironically as it may sound, behind all these seemingly angry gestures toward your dad, is a "hope deferred" that makes your heart sick or disappointed. You have placed your dad on an imaginary, ideal role/pedestal and you are disappointed because he has failed or come short of your expectations. So you don't seriously hate him as much as you are disappointed with your real dad. To help you deal with your disappointments (which is the real underlying cause I'm seeing here as of now), can you write a list of your "ideal dad" and another list of your "real dad"? And then a list of "ideal daughter" and "real daughter"? you're right. realizing that i've put my dad on a pedestal he can't possibly live up to has helped me a lot. every time i'm with my dad i have this vision of the kind of relationship we should have vs. what we actually have and it's such a let down. i was able to let go of that and it's made it a lot easier to be around him. i will make the list in a little bit, i just need to sit down and concentrate and think, and i've been really tired like all the time for the last couple of days, so my head isn't really clear right now. |
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