Post by emerald777 on Jun 19, 2015 18:09:44 GMT -8
For me, the torch keeps burning if I am giving of myself in one way in a 'relationship'. Usually, I keep the torch going for as long as possible by pleasing a man, petting his ego and giving him sexual gratification. Of course, I will admit that I like the sexual attention back. I don't think I have been receptive to actually receiving what may be construed as love or care. Maybe for me being....throwing out anything is easier. This is super scary. And I know it's a matter of getting a structured life and, loving the qualities in myself I know exist. I would consider myself to be an attractive woman as others say so also but, looks aren't everything. We all age, get wrinkled, sag and, if we are unlucky in love, we end up alone. I don't want to be responsible for any one else's happiness but my own. I have to shake this powerful need to please people, and gratify. It's a temporary confidence - the reward being that I helped to make someone feel good in someway. Truthfully, I wouldn't consider myself a narcissist...in fact, I have been with narcissists in the past for a long while and I was always giving, giving, giving. I was blind to the fact that I wasn't receiving for a long time. Now my eyes are opening to the good guys and I am less apt to fantasize about sitting on a rocking chair with a bad boy....cuz that rocking chair would probably be empty. Who wants an unavailable partner?! I want someone who will be reliable and vice versa.