My ex husband did not understand my anxiety and to this day constantly refers to my inability to be carefree and fearless. My anxiety really harmed my relationship. He always wished I was more of a free spirit, willing to "live off the grid". I felt that wasn't me during our relationship, now I feel he was right and I should have wanted to live a "free spirit" lifestyle. I don't even know that I am am sure of what that means.
Is being a free spirit something you want or is it something other people told you to be? LAs tend to get stuck in this pattern of changing who they are to suit the people around you. Get in touch with yourself and figure out who you are and what you like to do before trying to please other people. I spent years pleasing other people and hated my life as a result.
I am all for self-improvement, but it should not driven by the words or criticism of others. The need to be your 'best self' should come from within.
Shakespeare, hundreds of years ago, said this and it still applies to today -- "To thine own self be true, and it must follow, as the night the day, thou canst not then be false to anyone else."
Be true to yourself. Be your best self. But don't second guess yourself because some ex said you could not be what he wanted you to be. His issue. NOT yours.
p.s. -- I also live with some fear and anxiety. I work with a therapist to support me in these areas. But what I also do that is crucial for me is work with my HP (Holy Trinity) to find the path to who I truly am, and listen to that Higher Wisdom to guide me towards that (prayer, contemplative meditation and readings of Holy Scripture and others who have been on the same path and offer their experience, strength and hope).
Last Edit: Dec 7, 2015 3:36:27 GMT -8 by havefaith
Thank you for the encouragement. I am on a journey to find myself. Before my ex, I don't feel I had ambitions towards living that life, of course I was w him for 13 years. I'm 34 years old. It will take a lot of work for me to try and figure out what I really want, and if fear of change did hold me back. I know that I am struggling to find my true values. I'm not sure what I'm feeling and if fear has always been in the drivers seat.
Thank you for the encouragement. I am on a journey to find myself.
You and Dorothy, in the Wizard of Oz. . . But the story ends prematurely. Home starts in the back yard, but there is another yellow brick road besides the one that brought Dorothy back to Kansas. The road of recovery.