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Post by rarebecca on Apr 22, 2016 17:03:14 GMT -8
Am learning what are healthy boundaries with friends. Is there a healthy guidelines for being friends with neighbours around somewhere?
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Post by thelonelylovelygirl on Jul 13, 2016 15:16:51 GMT -8
This would be such helpful information! Sometimes I feel like a predator with my friends. Like I must seek out the weak, broken ones. And prey on their insecurities and use them to my benefit. I mean, I don't have any ill intent towards them...but I hold myself responsible. I guess I "put myself out there" to those I feel will be receptive. But I definitely need to learn boundaries and how to feel fulfilled in a friendship without romantic entanglementm
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Post by Namaste6 on Aug 10, 2016 1:05:09 GMT -8
i have been always used by my friends.
Example I had invited my friend over for our feast and she agreed. i prepared elaborate lunch with lots of varities but she didnt turn up when i called her she made excuse saying she cant come, next time she had promised to come with her newborn and i had bought some sweets but again she didnt turn up. Just last week suddenly she called at around 8 in the night asking me to join her for a movie i said OK. I could have also said NO and made excuse but i am a better person then her.
This is how she uses me.
Another one of my friend she exploits me she takes me to market and then says has to go some shop and i can wait for her. once she went like that and came back half an hour later it looked so naive i was standing in middle of road.
I really feel used and exploited there is no boundary and i cant say NO because i dont have anyone else NO parents, NO siblings, Hubby doesnt have common interest
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Post by Kristana on Aug 10, 2016 12:16:38 GMT -8
You can also find fun activities to do alone.and there you can meet new ppl.maybe is time for a change.can you go exersise in your country can you swim or dance zumba.ride a bike?
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Post by Namaste6 on Aug 11, 2016 0:12:26 GMT -8
ya i go to gym
and also to learn fine arts
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Post by blurryface on Jan 11, 2017 9:15:28 GMT -8
i have been always used by my friends. Example I had invited my friend over for our feast and she agreed. i prepared elaborate lunch with lots of varities but she didnt turn up when i called her she made excuse saying she cant come, next time she had promised to come with her newborn and i had bought some sweets but again she didnt turn up. Just last week suddenly she called at around 8 in the night asking me to join her for a movie i said OK. I could have also said NO and made excuse but i am a better person then her. This is how she uses me. Another one of my friend she exploits me she takes me to market and then says has to go some shop and i can wait for her. once she went like that and came back half an hour later it looked so naive i was standing in middle of road. I really feel used and exploited there is no boundary and i cant say NO because i dont have anyone else NO parents, NO siblings, Hubby doesnt have common interest Oh Hun, this was painful to read  I can identify I have friends that borrow money and then avoid me for months or years. Makes me sad and I feel used. I also have had friends in the past who put me on hold (when on phone)for another person and either they forget about me or I wait 5minutes+ The more I've valued myself over time, the better people I attract. Although I've had some friends over a long period of time whom are amazing people but I didn't think I was good enough to peruse a deeper relationship. I almost wonder if boundary setting is also about saying yes more to the right people....the more room they take in your life squeezes out the ones who aren't healthy |
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Post by anaddict on Oct 26, 2021 0:33:11 GMT -8
I ended a friendship yesterday because she (79 year old woman) sucked the life out of me. The doctors told me last week (after 1 year) that me not being able to walk for longer distance than 100 meters was not fixable because they think it is caused by my ME disease. This was a big blow to me. This friend told me that she was sorry for me but sorry for herself because I would not be able to help her as much as I did. And that I was better of than her because I had a car, a wheelchair and a electric scooter. She went on to tell me that she felt so bad for herself and did not like life anymore. At that point I left her house. I was realy mad and after 2 days thinking about this relationship in which she plays the helpless woman that needs to be rescued I decided to end it. I need my energy for myself. I cannot afford to pour it in a bucket without a bottom and waist it. Now I feel guilt.
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RoseNadler
Administrator
Administrator
Posts: 1,111
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Post by RoseNadler on Oct 26, 2021 5:25:39 GMT -8
It doesn’t sound to me like spending time with this woman would feel good at all.
It’s wonderful to want to help a friend. But what this woman said to you….it sounds to me like the whole friendship was about you helping her.
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Post by anaddict on Oct 26, 2021 22:13:43 GMT -8
Thanks for your reaction Rose Nadler. In hindsight I think that is exactly the way it was, all about me helping her.
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I can identify 
