RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Apr 19, 2019 11:37:40 GMT -8
Today my father called. He would like me to go visit him before my new job starts.
I have mixed feelings about it.
On the one hand, my dad is 79 years old. We just lost my mother 18 months ago. I want to cherish my remaining parent as much as possible, because losing mom hurt so much.
On the other hand, my anxiety started rising again. What if I go away for three days and while I’m gone, my bf decides he likes being alone more than he likes having me around?
Why can’t I feel safe that I won’t be abandoned? I got so anxious I had to leave the bookstore I was browsing in and come home and cry.
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Apr 19, 2019 12:53:28 GMT -8
I’m reading the Susan Peabody book “Addiction To Love”, and I just got to the section entitled “Exaggerated Fears In Relationships.”
This is SO me. I could have written this part.
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Apr 19, 2019 13:25:57 GMT -8
Update:
L got home from work and we talked about it. Of course he’s OK with me going to visit my dad! Then he said something that makes me feel more secure:
Me: “Dad likes you and he’s glad we’re trying again.”
L: “He’s glad to know you’ve got somebody who cares about you.”
It was partly the tone of voice and the way he looked when he said it that made me feel more secure - not the words only.
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Post by Sexlessw on Apr 20, 2019 20:56:14 GMT -8
LostKate:
Fantastic! L's got your back. I am hoping that you will now "allow" [again with that horrid A word] yourself to visit with your father. I am sure he misses you and would like to spend a bit of time with you.
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RoseNadler
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Post by RoseNadler on Apr 21, 2019 6:45:02 GMT -8
My healthy brain did not seriously think that L would have a problem with me visiting my dad. For that matter, my healthy brain would go ahead and do it, even if L didn’t like it. A 79-year-old widowed father deserves that much.
My addicted brain would do it, but would worry - what if L decides he likes life better when I’m gone?
Luckily, my healthy brain seems to have won this round. Like I said, L and I talked about it. I felt reassured (so the addict brain got quiet.)
This morning L drove me to the airport, and we had a nice, loving (and healthy) goodbye. I used some of the time on the first flight to continue reading “Addiction To Love.”
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