Let me start out by saying that categories sometimes help and sometimes they do not help. They leave you confused. Still I would like to give it a try and explain how codependency differs from love addiction.
Let me also say I am an Obsessed Love Addict, Torchbearer, Ambivalent, and Codependent depending on who my PoA is.
The term "codependent" replaced the term "co-alcoholic" in the 80's. It implies that you are in a relationship with someone that you are trying to help recover from some kind of addiction or emotional issue like rage. You might be with an alcoholic, drug addict, obsessive gambler, or someone who abuses you. You want to fix or save this person because you love them and/or you feel sorry for them. You become very controlling to make this happen. You are stubborn and determined. Sometimes you think of yourself as a martyr or heroine. You neglect yourself and your children. You will do anything to accomplish your goal. You will always believe that "love conquers all." (It doesn't.) Some codependents have stopped loving their PoA but they still hang in there out of misguided loyalty. Codependents are good people who "care too much."
Love Addicts, of which there are many variations, are not necessarily in a relationship although they want to be. They may love someone who is unavailable, uninterested, or married. They are always in love. That is the hook for them not loyalty or a desire to reform their qualifier. They just want this person, and they don't want to give up.
Yes, you can be a codependent in one relationship and a love addict in another. You can start out as one and change to the other in the same relationship. Variations are endless.
Post by kjthesmartone on Mar 1, 2022 17:56:23 GMT -8
South Bay (HERMOSA) ALANO Club, Class of 1986, or KJ for short.
After 17 years of sobriety got me no closer to "feeling sober."; the dry drunks and the white outs... I realized my addiction was not to alcohol. Alcohol only made it easier for me to do without my addiction, Unconditional Love.
Not exactly on the spectrum defined herein. When Los Angeles County had 2000+ AA meetings per week, 1986-2003, our group numbered 12 souls, recommended by our therapists, meeting at an unused sound stage in Culver City.
Still looking for my group, we are all stronger together no matter.
A book I want to recommend, which I have had since 1978 and missed until recently.
"Relationship & Identity" by David Spangler. Findhorn Lecture Series (I was there) The Findhorn Foundation, 1977.
Some would call it too d**n hippy, spiritual, religious, insert adjective here. Not me.