Romance Addicts

Romance Addicts are addicted to multiple partners. Romance addicts are often confused with sex addicts. However, unlike sex addicts, who are trying to avoid bonding altogether, romance addicts bond with each of their partners—to one degree or another— even if the romantic liaisons are short-lived or happening simultaneously. By “romance” I mean sexual passion and pseudo-emotional intimacy. Please note that while romance addicts bond with each of their partners to a degree, their goal (besides getting high off of romance and drama) is to avoid commitment or bonding on a deeper level with one partner.

Romance addicts are similar to substance abusers because they are getting high on the chemistry of love. If you google "the chemistry of romantic love" you will find a list of drugs released in the brain when people fall in love. If you are depressed you can get high off of romantic love. When the high wears off then you move on to the next romantic interest. In the later stages of the addiction you probably have many, many romantic partners to get a fix.

I’ve been struggling with relationships for years, and I am in an increasingly difficult spot with my anxiety, so I checked around the internet, and eventually found LAA.

I think I must be a romance addict, because the only times my anxiety is low, and I feel alive and energetic, is when I have several sexual relationships on the go at the same time. I am tender and affectionate with all of them, but when I commit to one I get incredibly anxious—an anxiety that arises apparently out of nowhere. I know that I have a fear of true intimacy, and that my romance addiction is my way of getting SOME intimacy, but from a range of different women. This is my way of making one proper relationship out of three or four superficial ones.

My current situation is that I have got close to a great woman, which has just triggered huge anxiety—which is affecting every waking moment, making it very hard for me to do my job, or relax when I get home. I just pray the hours away. I know that I can relieve my anxiety by ending the current relationship—it has worked in the past—but I really don’t want to do this again. I know I can feel energized and alive again if I get my fix of internet dating and pursuing new women again. But I know it’s not healthy to have three or four lovers—none knowing of the others, and I really don’t want to keep doing this over and over for the rest of my life.

Life without any pursuit of women seems grey, empty, desolate. Life with one woman is full-on anxiety from fear of intimacy. Life with three lovers satisfies my addiction, but causes me guilt and anxiety—because I know it isn’t right. I hope to find the answers in LAA.