I'm definitely the obsessed kind...
Jun 16, 2022 17:20:42 GMT -8
RoseNadler, Linda S., and 1 more like this
Post by Cheryl on Jun 16, 2022 17:20:42 GMT -8
Hello All,
After reading through all the different types of love addicts, I think that I am this one. I am a people pleaser, because I really want love and acceptance, but I'm not as much codependent? I don't know; maybe I'm all of it. I can be very tough love, and I do get tired eventually and leave. Once I'm done, I'm done, but it takes quite a bit of suffering to get there. Then, I will try again thinking “this time” I’ll find “the one.” (I see myself writing this and cringe.)
My children’s father and I broke up 7 times before we finally decided to stay together. He didn’t ask me to marry him because I basically begged him to get married. I wanted my son (I was a single mom) to have his name, and I wanted another child. He didn’t want either. It’s funny how we can get what we want, along with the negative consequences, which I was not happy about!
I have put up with pretty much almost anything for the feeling of being loved. You all know about this, so I don’t have to add examples. However, I will say that my latest ex, the compulsive liar narcissist who was preying on me as he’s done many women since me…was the one that really threw me for a loop. I learned a lot from him.
However, I didn't learn to stay away from men!!
I have intrusive thoughts, obsessive thoughts, and will drive myself crazy thinking about someone who isn’t thinking about me. I have sent emails and letters because my brain told me it needed to be said/sent. Likely, it didn’t need to be said at all.
The worst part is the way I think about finding a partner wherever I go and whatever I am doing. It’s insane to me. I will go out and think that I’ll meet some great guy, that someone will “notice” me, that someone will come up and say, “Hi,” and start a new romance. (I hate reading this as I write it.) I just want to go out with my friends and have fun, and it turns into looking around determining who I could meet and engage with. Ugh.
I will obsess about whomever I am with to the point that I’m planning stuff he isn’t even considering. I plan the whole trip! I plan dinner, the weekend, and well, you get the picture.
I tell myself that we want to have fun, but really?
In my head I’m like, “Why doesn’t he love me?” “Why doesn’t he care about my feelings?” And so on… These are totally obsessive thoughts. Lately, it’s about why he doesn’t care about my pulling away, why he doesn’t chase me, why he doesn’t love me, and so on…This makes me really hate myself. I don't like hating myself.
In my current relationship, I have “created” this perfect relationship, which is only in my head, obviously. I read somewhere, not sure where, that people on the outside of the situation can see what’s going on before even we do. Here I am thinking I’m telling everyone how “perfect” this marriage is, yet I’m dying on the inside from not feeling love, from trying to control everything, and from the loneliness.
They are probably seeing it (which embarrasses me to no end).
They say that identifying the issue is half the battle! That means I am on my way.
I plan on getting healed. No matter what, I plan to be not this way anymore. (I’ve actually already started changing my behavior, and it feels great until it doesn’t!)
At the end of the day, I have picked up tons of books and resources and nothing, and I mean nothing, has struck me to the core as discovering that I am a Love Addict. It's crazy, it's true, and I don't want to be that anymore.
After reading through all the different types of love addicts, I think that I am this one. I am a people pleaser, because I really want love and acceptance, but I'm not as much codependent? I don't know; maybe I'm all of it. I can be very tough love, and I do get tired eventually and leave. Once I'm done, I'm done, but it takes quite a bit of suffering to get there. Then, I will try again thinking “this time” I’ll find “the one.” (I see myself writing this and cringe.)
My children’s father and I broke up 7 times before we finally decided to stay together. He didn’t ask me to marry him because I basically begged him to get married. I wanted my son (I was a single mom) to have his name, and I wanted another child. He didn’t want either. It’s funny how we can get what we want, along with the negative consequences, which I was not happy about!
I have put up with pretty much almost anything for the feeling of being loved. You all know about this, so I don’t have to add examples. However, I will say that my latest ex, the compulsive liar narcissist who was preying on me as he’s done many women since me…was the one that really threw me for a loop. I learned a lot from him.
However, I didn't learn to stay away from men!!
I have intrusive thoughts, obsessive thoughts, and will drive myself crazy thinking about someone who isn’t thinking about me. I have sent emails and letters because my brain told me it needed to be said/sent. Likely, it didn’t need to be said at all.
The worst part is the way I think about finding a partner wherever I go and whatever I am doing. It’s insane to me. I will go out and think that I’ll meet some great guy, that someone will “notice” me, that someone will come up and say, “Hi,” and start a new romance. (I hate reading this as I write it.) I just want to go out with my friends and have fun, and it turns into looking around determining who I could meet and engage with. Ugh.
I will obsess about whomever I am with to the point that I’m planning stuff he isn’t even considering. I plan the whole trip! I plan dinner, the weekend, and well, you get the picture.
I tell myself that we want to have fun, but really?
In my head I’m like, “Why doesn’t he love me?” “Why doesn’t he care about my feelings?” And so on… These are totally obsessive thoughts. Lately, it’s about why he doesn’t care about my pulling away, why he doesn’t chase me, why he doesn’t love me, and so on…This makes me really hate myself. I don't like hating myself.
In my current relationship, I have “created” this perfect relationship, which is only in my head, obviously. I read somewhere, not sure where, that people on the outside of the situation can see what’s going on before even we do. Here I am thinking I’m telling everyone how “perfect” this marriage is, yet I’m dying on the inside from not feeling love, from trying to control everything, and from the loneliness.
They are probably seeing it (which embarrasses me to no end).
They say that identifying the issue is half the battle! That means I am on my way.
I plan on getting healed. No matter what, I plan to be not this way anymore. (I’ve actually already started changing my behavior, and it feels great until it doesn’t!)At the end of the day, I have picked up tons of books and resources and nothing, and I mean nothing, has struck me to the core as discovering that I am a Love Addict. It's crazy, it's true, and I don't want to be that anymore.