Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 22, 2023 11:05:40 GMT -8
In 12-Step programs there is a lot of pressure to "live in the moment." Sometimes it gets frustrating to me because I believe that there are times to visit the past to process what happened. I also believe that when we are having a bad day that it is okay to think about a brighter tomorrow. The important thing is to not live in the past of future. It is not good to think about what you have already processed and become a slave to your feelings about the past. It is also okay to make plans for the future and to have achievable goals. I learned this from my son who said to me, "Mom, it is okay to dream as long as you let go and let God." In other words, our dreams about the future cannot turn into expectations.
Love addicts are very in touch with their fantasies and what A.A. calls "future tripping." When they reveal their fantasies to soon, they drive people away, especially avoidants. But that does not mean we have to stop dreaming and working toward attainable goals. What is an attainable goal? Something that is possible. We cannot dream that our dead loved ones will come back to life, but we can dream about having a bright future.
The question of navigating the past, present, and future is very complicated. When do we keep on dreaming and when do we let go? We leave it up to God. As a child I dreamed of being a writer and meeting my soul mate. Neither of these happened when I wanted them to. But at the age fifty-six I did meet the love of my life and I did become a writer. Other things that I dreamed up did not come true, and I released them to the universe. I have also processed the past to the best of ability with the help of my sponsor and therapist.
Today, I still fantasize about being rich and finding a partner to replace my husband who passed away, but I do not expect them to happen. I am in God's hands.