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Post by Susan Peabody on Dec 18, 2023 18:21:50 GMT -8
Avoidants An avoidant is someone who will only go so far in a relationship, and when you get too close, they end the relationship. Sometimes on purpose and sometimes by sabotaging the relationship. A serial avoidant does this more than once until you finally end the relationship yourself. They are seductive withholders. An ambivalent does know he is an avoidant and so he hangs in there longer before he pulls back or ends the relationship. Do not give an avoidant or ambivalent more than once. There is no future for this relationship. I just ended a relationship with an avoidant which is why I am writing this. I could not have done this before recovery. Love addicts fall prey to avoidants because they invest so much in the relationship. They have low self-esteem and do not think they can better. They are incapable of cutting their losses without a support group.
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RoseNadler
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Avoidants
Dec 19, 2023 5:21:07 GMT -8
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Post by RoseNadler on Dec 19, 2023 5:21:07 GMT -8
What if you know you are a love addict, and you suspect you are also an avoidant? What if you want to change; you don’t want to be an avoidant anymore?
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Post by Susan Peabody on Dec 19, 2023 12:15:15 GMT -8
You are describing what I call an ambivalent. This is a permanent condition and cannot be cured because the ambivalence in rooted in childhood issues which change us permanently. I am an ambivalent. The only thing you can do it is to just accept this about yourself and enjoy your relationship the best you can. You will need an understanding partner. Wanting to be in love with your partner is only a childhood dream in my opinion. Respect and companionship can also be satisfactory if you let it. Sorry, I do not have more optimism for you. Beware that ambivalents can feel love when the person they love is unavailable so be careful that you do not sabotage a good relationship to chase a childhood fantasy of being wildly in love.
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RoseNadler
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Avoidants
Dec 20, 2023 7:44:55 GMT -8
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Post by RoseNadler on Dec 20, 2023 7:44:55 GMT -8
Everything you said sounds just like me.
I wish I’d figured it out earlier. But better late than never.
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RoseNadler
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Avoidants
Dec 20, 2023 7:48:34 GMT -8
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Post by RoseNadler on Dec 20, 2023 7:48:34 GMT -8
“Beware that am bivalents can feel love when the person they love is unavailable so be careful that you do not sabotage a good relationship to chase a childhood fantasy of being wildly in love.”
Been there, done that, DON’T want to do it again.
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