Anxiety & Anger

Dear Vince:

Imagine . . .

You are at a theater alone watching a movie about a boy growing up. The boy in the movie is six years old. Like all children he loves his parents. Then, one day he is playing, and he hears his father come home. He stays in his bedroom. Suddenly, he hears his father yelling, “Vincent, come down here immediately.” Little Vince goes down the stairs and his father abuses him. Sometimes verbally and sometimes physically.

Because the child is only six, he is afraid. He looks over at his mom and she is watching all of this with an anxious look on her face. It is clear she is not going to protect him, so he makes a decision to stop crying and take it. Or sometimes he tries to placate his dad. Or he gets really upset but suppresses his feelings.

Sometimes the little boy pretends this is normal. Sometimes he thinks is just being a good disciplinarian. Sometimes he believes that his father is just teaching him to be a man. He rationalizes the abuse.

At some point the little boy imagines fighting back. To get the courage to fight back he gets angry.

In time, the frightened boy becomes a unique personality or ego state separate from his normal personality. This personality is known as hid wounded inner child named Little Vince. He is ANXIOUS. The anger also becomes a unique personality, and his name is Falcon Eddy.

The boy grows up to be a man and forgets all about the frightened little boy. The fear and anger go into the unconscious. The older boy chooses to live a life where he is around other angry people. He works in a prison and boxing is his hobby.

The anger has become a coping mechanism. He uses the anger to get rid of the anxiety. He is ashamed of the anxiety and wounded inner child. If this happens once in awhile and is under control we would say the man has a temper. If the original abuse is really bad it turns the man into a rageaholic. Some of these men end up in prison. Some men seek help, and their anger is turned into love for themselves and others.

When you have an anxiety attack that unleashes anger or rage, try your best to go back to the scene of the crime and soothe the six-year-old. Talk to him. Hold him. Let him cry. Ask him how he is doing. In other words, calm him down. SELF-TALK is the only way to calm yourself down. NEVER be ashamed of Little Vince. Love Falcon Eddy but don’t give him the keys of the car.

There is no cure for this because it has turned into PTSD. Only EMDR has been known to help. Love yourself. Love Little Vince. Love Falcon Eddy. Love Vince. Do NOT reject any of your personalities. Integrate them into Vince and just accept that you are who you are and that it is progress not perfection.