Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 15, 2024 14:08:33 GMT -8
Why I Feel Guilty When I Say No
This is because growing up in such an environment often means putting others' needs before your own. As I explain in The Better Boundaries Workbook, a dysfunctional family can send the message that “…you aren’t important and don’t deserve to be treated well, your needs or feelings don’t matter or should come second, [and] you shouldn’t ask for anything (and if you do, you won’t get it or will be ignored for shamed for asking)” (Martin, 2021).
Full Article
www.psychologytoday.com/gb/blog/conquering-codependency/202401/how-to-say-no-and-feel-good-about-it#:~:text=Feelings%20of%20guilt%20are%20a%20common%20barrier%20to,own%20ideas%2C%20or%20ask%20for%20something%E2%80%9D%20%28Martin%2C%202021%29.
Caveat
Not mentioned in the article is the desire to be a "perfect" Christian. You will definitely take this too far if you are codependent. Growing up with Christian values about helping others is not part of growing up in a dysfunctional home. We must learn to separate codependent guilt from charity. We must not throw the baby out with the bath water. Kindness is a good thing in moderation. Just remember to love yourself as much as you love others. Even charity should never be given out of guilt but from an overwhelming love for God and his commandment to love our neighbor.