Getting Sober

After graduation, I got off of welfare and found a job at Kaiser Engineers in Oakland, California. I was fairly happy to be finally earning my own way. So, I worked hard and took good care of my two children Kathy and Karl.

In March of 1982 my father died. I got very depressed and started drinking more and more. It affected my work as a secretary, and I almost got fired.

One day, I was so distraught that I wanted to die. Still, I did not want to abandon my children. So, for the first time in my life, I got down on my knees and prayed to God. “Please help me,” I said. “I don’t want to live anymore.” I cried and went to sleep.

A few weeks later, they hired a new employee and gave him the office next to mine. A week later, I noticed him looking at me and I got up to talk to him. He was nice, and I fell in love right away. Unfortunately, he was married. This upset me and I started to obsess over him. His name was Barry.

One day, I stopped to chat with Barry and asked him if one could die of loneliness. I expected him to say, “no.” Instead he said, “Yes, you can. I almost did.” I got curious and asked him what happened. He said, “I was an alcoholic, and I hurt someone.” “What happened after that?” I asked. “I got sober in A.A,” he replied. Barry went on to say, “Susan, I think you are in trouble and need some help. You should go somewhere where they understand you.”

I was caught off guard and quickly left his office. But I did think about what he had said, and I wanted to please him, so I went to an A.A. meeting. I sat in the back of the room and tried to hide. I was embarrassed. Then I started listening to the speaker as she told her story which was identical to mine. I sat up in my chair. Finally, I was overwhelmed by the feeling that I was home after being lost for a long time. Other than the voices I had been hearing—guiding me and saving me—I believe this was my first spiritual experience.