Post by RoseNadler on Jun 23, 2021 9:08:31 GMT -8
Long Term Relationships
As I’ve mentioned before, I think one of my biggest problems is that I never got good at longer relationships. Most of my life, I’ve known how to do the early acquaintance part, the dating part, the good-relationship-but-still-romantic part. But when the romantic part wears off, but you’re still together - how to live and have the longer relationship?
I still occasionally get anxious if L (my partner) seems preoccupied. This morning he gave me a quick kiss on the lips as he went out, but no hug.
The sane, rational part of my brain says I’m getting anxious over nothing. This morning, he WAS rather preoccupied - he had just gotten back from taking our cat to the vet (just a routine visit, but still not something that happens frequently) and he was on his way to work. The sane, recovery mind says that he was probably thinking about the vet visit and the stuff he needed to do at work.
But the insecure, addict part of my brain is stressed out about not getting a hug to go with the kiss.
To put it in context, I tend to be anxious and insecure in general - always thinking I’m not good enough. About two months ago I started a job which is a lot better than my jobs usually are. But I’m afraid of failure and afraid of success at the same time. If I mess this up early, I’ll be ashamed. But if I do really well for a while and then scr&w up later, I’ll also be ashamed.
I live my life with a nervous undercurrent of fear that I won’t be good enough (for the relationship, for the job, whatever.)
This seems like I’ve gotten off the track of “long relationships” but I think it has something to do with the reason why I don’t know how to have a long relationship. I have trouble being in jobs for a long time, too - six years is the longest I’ve stayed anywhere. I think all these things are related.
Mods, feel free to move this post if there’s a place where it fits better.
I’m 57 years old and beginning to fear I’ll never be able to stay in a situation for a long time, and be successful with it.