Post by Susan Peabody on Apr 26, 2024 12:47:09 GMT -8
Pros & Cons
I have noticed with my clients that relationship addicts usually have some part of the relationship that is working for them. It could be a dependency on the money their partner provides or something as simple as needing your partner to take you places.
My first client could not drive. This was in 1985 when it was common for women to let their husbands drive. When she thought about divorce all she could think about was being stranded. It took me over a year to get her to learn how to drive and now she is happily divorced.
Another one of my clients was an older woman who did not drive and depended on her abusive husband to take her places was afraid to be out of the house by herself. Eventually she moved in with her daughter.
I was a juror on a murder trial years ago, and the defense lawyer said his client could not have killed his wife because he was dependent on her to tell him what to wear each day. He finally confessed that he killed her because she was leaving him.
Last year my client was suicidal and depressed and tried to kill herself because she hated her husband but didn't know how she would support herself if they divorced. It took a while, but I finally convinced her to call the police after he hit her. She did and when he got out of jail they divorced and she found a job to support herself.
Currently, I have a client who has stayed with someone she does not like for twenty-three years because he takes her on trips all over the world and she doesn't want to be alone.
Most relationship addicts wait to get out until the negative aspects of the relationship are far worse than the positive ones. While waiting on this I encourage my clients to work on building their self-esteem and come to realize that they deserve better.
All of these clients went into recovery for their addiction and are now living successful lives.