Post by Susan Peabody on May 18, 2024 11:49:03 GMT -8
Seductive Withholders
Seductive Withholders (SW’s) are people who can act very seductive one moment (implying they are available), and then very withholding the next. The shift is dramatic and comes at unexpected times or after an argument.
Every SW has his or her own style of seduction, but it usually quite persuasive and tied into your personal needs which you revealed early on while dating. The withholding can be anything from holding back affection, not returning phone calls, or seeing other people—in general it means being unavailable. It always involves a breakup.
There are various explanations for why people withhold. With some it is a matter of control. This is ego-driven. They like power over people and they do this by keeping them on the edge of their seats all the time. More common is the person who withholds because they are frightened of intimacy. When they are feeling needy and safe they get seductive. When they get too close and feel claustrophobic they withhold. A good book about this is by Carter and Sokul entitled "Men Who Can't Love."
Don’t fall in love before you have gotten to know someone.
Watch them closely and look for patters of seduction and withholding.
If a pattern persists, get out of the relationship quickly.
Do not tell yourself this is your imagination.
Don’t second guess yourself.
Don’t give this person and third and fourth chance.
Don’t believe his lies
Believe that you can do better.