When Does Habit Become Addiction?

According to Daniel Goleman in his book, Emotional Intelligence, the origin of habit is the amygdala which is in the base of our brain. It is also called the “reptilian brain.” I call it the repetition compulsion, which is the urge do something (good or bad) over and over again. Once activated, the repetition compulsion leads to habit.

At this point we have to differentiate the difference between a good habit and a bad habit. Not all habits are bad. Brushing our teeth every day is a good habit. Smoking tobacco is a bad habit.

In the self-help community we believe that some people have an “addictive personality,” and some habits lead to a preoccupation and then obsession. When the obsession gets out of control, and we can’t stop, we call it an addiction.

The therapeutic community of psychiatrists and psychologists only recognize one kind of addiction--substance abuse. But studies show that certain behaviors can become psychologically addictive: shopping, dating, gambling, over-eating, under-eating, etc. etc. Studies also show that we can become addicted to some emotions as well, i.e. anger and self-pity. Self-mutilation, common to someone with borderline personality disorder, can also become addictive.

What the therapeutic community does recognize is the phenomenon they call compulsion, which is the irresistible urge to do someone over and over again even when it is causing problems. An example would be obsessive compulsive disorder.

Some scientists believe that compulsions run in families. They hypothesize that it is passed down through the genes. John Bradshaw discusses this in his book, Toxic Secrets. Carl Jung calls it the “collective unconscious.” I, and most of my clients, have observed this in our families of origin. My grandfather was an alcoholic. My father was alcoholic. My mother was codependent. I am codependent and alcoholic.

With all this is mind, when does a habit become an addiction? The explanation is simple, when you lose control. When a good habit has negative consequences and gets worse and worse. When you try to stop but can’t. When your life starts to fall apart. When you cannot change on your own. When the amygdala is working overtime, and you are having a lot of anxiety, depression, and shame.

I had a client once who liked to exercise. It made him feel good and it was good for him. When he worked out a lot of chemicals were released from his brain, and, according to him, it was a “good high.” No harm in this until one day he broke his arm and could not work out anymore. He got anxious and depressed. He could not concentrate. He hurt himself tying to work out at the gym. His enjoyment of exercise had become a compulsion, and he was close to becoming an addict. His wife asked him to calm down and he exploded. His children wanted his attention and he refused. His boss called him in for a “talk.” It was at this point that my client reached out for help. I send his to a 12-Step program for compulsive people.

The solution to all this is what we call recovery:

▪ Face the truth.

▪ Get help.

▪ Change how you think and behave.

▪ Look for moderation if possible (behavioral addictions).

▪ Quit altogether if the problem is substance abuse.

▪ Substitute a good habit for a bad habit.

▪ If necessary, seek out a spiritual experience.

▪ Congratulate yourself.

▪ Get on with a new life based on good habits.

We live in a time when recovery is everywhere and that it is often free. We no longer have to depend on an expensive therapist. We can go to a 12-Step program.

Please Note: Now and then I have a client who recovers all on his own. He gave up cocaine and never looked back. This is rare and it happens mostly for men and women who have a healthy relationship with a benevolent force in the universe, who I choose to call God.