Post by Susan Peabody on May 23, 2024 16:22:59 GMT -8
Personal Choice
I am putting this post in my personal journal because it is about a very sensitive subject: abortion
In 1984 I was dating a guy named Barry. The first time we had sex I got pregnant. I was shocked because my doctor had told me that I could no longer conceive. I asked Barry if he would help me raise the baby because I had been a single parent for fourteen years and was utterly exhausted.
Barry said if I did not have an abortion, he would abandon me. I called a friend and she said that she had given her baby up for adoption and had an abortion and the adoption was more painful. I wish she had not told me this. I wish I had had more courage.
I researched the situation and found an article about what I now call "feminist rhetoric" which said that a fetus was just bloody tissue and had no soul. This is simply NOT so.
I had the abortion after talking to a counselor who stressed that the decision was up to me. I woke up after the procedure in tears. I intuitively knew this was going to affect me for the rest of my life.
I got on with my life and suppressed my feelings, but I never forgot my baby. I prayed and God told me it was a boy and that while I denied my baby life, his soul was in heaven with Jesus. I even wrote a book about it called, Where Love Abides.
Thirty-five years passed. I often thought about what my son would be like if he were here. I held a resentment for Barry.
Last year, I was studying to be a Catholic. We were discussing the Ten Commandments which included, "Thou shall not kill." Out of nowhere I burst out in tears. I was practically hysterical. Someone took me home and I cried all night for the child I had abandoned.
I began fully grieving my child. I talked to a priest, and he told me that God had forgiven me and now I had to forgive myself. It took me a long time, but today I do not condemn myself, but I carry around a great amount of remorse which is my way of honoring my baby.
I am writing this now because in hindsight I wish I had had a counselor who explained that there would be emotional consequences to what I was about to do. I also wish I had been told about what they call an "open adoption." I could have stayed in touch with my baby and avoided all these years of emotional pain.
If you are considering this procedure, I hope you read this and avoid the same mistake I made. I do believe in free choice, but I do not think some women understand the emotional consequences of an abortion. If you need to talk about this my email is susanpeabody@gmail.com