Seductive Controllers

I was thinking this morning about a woman I know, and suddenly the term popped into my head: Seductive Controller.

What is a Seductive Controller? It is a man or woman who comes across as passive, pleasant, accommodating, pleasing, etc. in the beginning of a relationship, and then turns into a full-blown controller. I have been guilty of this a few times, but I did not know it at the time.

Usually, the controlling begins after they feel safe; after they sense that you have fallen under their spell, and they can be themselves.

Seductive Controllers can also turn their behavior around in a moment and revert back to their nice side whenever they need to protect themselves from rejection.

It is hard to spot a Seductive Controller in the beginning, but sometimes you will notice, if you pay attention, to what they have to say about their former relationships, or how they treat other people around you when you first meet.

I was dating a guy years ago that was so sweet to me in the beginning, but I noticed that he was very demanding to the waiter who was serving us dinner. He also talked a lot about taking the lead all the time in his former relationships.

Maya Angelou said: “When someone shows you who they are believe them the first time.”

Needy people tend to dismiss red flags like this. They have a profound attachment hunger, and they want so much for this new relationship to work. They are blinded to what is so clear to others. Or they ignore what their quiet inner voice of recovery is telling them.

There are two kinds of Seductive Controllers. The ego-driven type controls out of a belief that he or she is better at taking charge than anyone else. The fear-driven type is trying to control the relationship so he or she won’t be rejected. This type will be accepted by a practicing love addict but rejected by someone in recovery.

Seductive Controllers rarely change without serious therapy and recovery. If you suspect you are with a Seductive Controller, let go and move on. You deserve better.