Maturation

In early recovery (1982) I wrote my first list of shortcomings (4th Step Inventory). I was also enthusiastic about changing and becoming a better person. God did remove many of my shortcomings, but not all. I got discouraged because I am a perfectionist.

One of my shortcomings was my temper and immaturity. I alleviated my guilt by telling myself I was mentally ill and that there was no use trying to change these two things. I just had to live with my bad temper and immaturity. It was not me; it was my inner and outer children. It was my "incurable" personality disorder. To quote a comedian from the 60's, "Satan made me do it." (Flip Wilson)

At some point, a friend of mine told me that this point of view was just an excuse not to change. I got really angry and defensive. I said, "You just don't understand there is nothing I can do about my temper and immaturity." (Enter self-pity.)

At the same time, this friend planted a seed in my consciousness about how I was not as willing to change as I thought I was.

Last week, I had an emotional breakdown and I went to my friend for sympathy which he gave me. A week later I went back for more. This time my friend said, "Susan your Inner Child has been out for a couple of weeks now. What is going on?"

This time I did not get defensive. I told him I would think about it and get back to him. Two days later, I had an epiphany. I realized that I was procrastinating on changing for a lot of reasons buried in my unconscious mind and it was time to grow up.

Then, suddenly, I remembered David Richo's book, How to be an Adult, and I wrote down his instructions about accepting life on life's terms.

1. Everything changes and ends.
2. Things do not always go according to plan.
3. Life is not always fair.
4. Pain is part of life.
5. People are not loving and loyal all the time.

At this point I realized that I really did want to get well. I really wanted to mature and it was time to make that decision to act and think differently. So, as I write this, I am going to make a new effort to grow up and not get defensive when my friends tell me how to do this. Fortunately, I have surrounded myself with a lot of mature role models.