Post by Susan Peabody on Jul 4, 2024 19:28:32 GMT -8
Why is advice, even good advice, seen as rejection? It is complicated.
When my mother tried to give me advice, for some reason I felt as if I were not good enough in her eyes. I wanted unconditional love. But that is not practical. We need guidance from our parents.
Then when I did ask for help to lose weight, she had no advice for me. This also made me feel rejected.
Timing is everything. When I did need advice about hygiene and puberty, my mother had no advice for me. She did not teach me social skills. At the same time, I was a willful child, and she probably gave up on giving me advice. Finally, she was unable to talk to me about some intimate things. This was 1958.
If our inner child sees advice as rejection, he or she is the reason that as an adult we cannot handle advice.
When we grow up and mature we still want a combination of advice and support but it sometimes depends on who is giving the advice. We must trust and respect them.
In my own life I prefer advice from a book, a teacher, or therapist, but not from my partner or my son. I like to learn on my own. Pride gets in the way unfortunately. Sometimes I listen to others giving advice to someone else and secretly take notes in my head.
When advice does come I immediately dismiss it. But in recovery I have learned to go to a private place and think about the advice. I often do take the advice secretly. People do well to simply plant seeds in my consciousness.
Growing up is a process. One lesson at a time. Once change at a time. One day at a time.
I have to remember that my inner child should not be in control. It is time to grow up. At the same time, I must love and support my inner child. It is a balancing act. "Love your inner child, but don't give her/him the keys to the car." Susan Peabody