Healing from the Past

The book Alcoholics Anonymous says, "We do not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it."

Having said this, I feel differently. I do not want the shut the door on it, but at the same time I do regret the people I have hurt in the past. I no longer feel shame or toxic guilt, but I do have plenty of remorse.

A.A. also likes to say, "live in the moment." Well, there are times to live in the moment, and there are times to visit the past in order to learn from it and to process unresolved emotions.

Unresolved emotions lead to rage, depression, anxiety, shame, confusion, addiction, etc. etc.

Today, I was talking to a friend about missing my daughter who died ten years ago. Suddenly, my friend blurted out, "Susan, that is all in the past." I looked at him, trying not to lose my temper, and said, "Is it really?"

Does the past, especially the painful times, stay in the past? Rarely. It goes into our unconscious and like an underground stream it eventually rises to the surface. When this happens, it is important to face it, accept it, feel the pain, and then release it to the universe.

Sometimes this takes just a short time and sometimes it takes a long time. We must resist the urge to judge ourselves or let others judge us regarding how long it takes.

I will admit that sometimes we get stuck in processing our feelings. We get halfway through the process and then we balk and run away. This will show up as redundancy or what they call "living" in the past. We must never take up residence in the past. We should only visit to become more self-aware. This is important to change our behavior and give up the coping mechanisms that have become a liability in our lives.

Why do people try to keep us from visiting the past? They are projecting and they are empathetic. They do not want to visit their own past, so they minimize the importance of it. They are also very empathetic. Your pain is their pain, and they want to run for the hills.

We are all on our own path. Some of us may do not want to dig up the past. That is great as long as you are happy, but if you are battling some kind of addiction you have to get to the bottom of why you are addicted, and the answers like in the past that we have suppressed into our unconscious mind.

Let the feelings from the past rise up and out into your journal and in front of an "enlightened witness" (someone you can trust). Let it rise up from the unconscious, into the conscious, and then all the way up to God.