Fantasies & Day Dreaming

Some people daydream and fantasize too much about romantic love. I spent most of my time in high school looking out the window and fantasizing about the boy I had a crush on. Usually, fantasizing is left over from childhood. The day dreaming starts out as a coping mechanism for a difficult childhood and ends up in our adult life to be a nightmare and liability.

The most common fantasy for women growing up in a dysfunctional home is that we will grow up, meet our soul mate and live happily ever after.

I call this an "escape" fantasy. Our inner child creates a phantom lover, and then goes hunting.

These romantic ideals, that become our phantom lover, take over our brain if we are not careful. They come up the very first time we meet someone. Then, with some of them, the seed of obsession is planted and begins to take root. It grows until it strangles us. For some people therapy or 12-Step programs help nip this in the bud, but sometimes things go too far, and actually die for love. I almost did.

In adulthood, we must discover, and then put into perspective, these romantic ideals from our psyche.

I do not believe fantasizing about romantic love is wrong. But these days I have control over them, they do not control me, and I know the difference between reality and fantasizing.

Some fantasies are really helpful. My fantasies about being a writer led to my career as a published author. It is romantic fantasies that we must do in moderation, or sometimes not at all.

The following suggestions are just for people to fantasize too much:

▪ Limit the time you spend fantasizing.


▪ Try not to fantasize about romantic love at all unless you are in love with a mature person.

▪ Fantasize about healthy things like a career.

▪ Do not let fantasizing get in the way of your responsibilities. Do not isolate or stay home from work or school to fantasize.

▪ Do not spy on people to see if your romantic fantasies are real.

▪ Do not watch too many romantic movies or read romantic novels if you are a romantic idealist.

▪ Turn love songs into hymns (love songs to God.)

▪ On Valentine's Day send cards to family, and my friends.