Teenagers & Romantic Love

I believe there is a very clear relationship between our modern obsession with romantic love and such problems with teenager such as: early pregnancy, abusive relationships, promiscuity, and the transmission of sexually transmitted diseases. Not all teenagers are vulnerable to this, but more of my clients are what I call romantic idealists.

Romantic idealists typically lack self-esteem. They are impulsive. They romanticize everything and fall in love too quickly. They do not discriminate when they fall in love. For a teenager this is a lethal combination. It can result in an emotional roller coaster of anxiety and depression, as well as unwise choices concerning sex.

Teenage romantic idealists often romanticize conception, pregnancy, and motherhood. They fall in love and want to have “his” baby. They lack the maturity to set aside this inclination and use birth control. Sometimes when a teenager gets pregnant and gives birth, her romantic idealism gets transformed into a strong maternal instinct and she becomes an inexperienced, but adequate, mother.

Sometimes, the romantic idealism takes hold again and taking care of the child takes a back seat to being with the father of the child or to begin this cycle again with a new boy.

Teenage romantic idealists, both boys and girls, are attracted to troubled peers whom they hope to “fix” with love and attention. This can be the start of codependency that carries on into their adult years.

Teenage romantic idealists are anxious to please. As a result, they will not insist on using condoms when they should. This can lead to pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

Usually, teenage romantic idealists lack the ability to choose a healthy boyfriend. They become involved with whomever they are attracted to or whomever gives them a lot of attention. They are particularly susceptible to seduction.

Once involved in toxic and abusive relationships, teenage romantic idealists find themselves unable to let go. Romantic idealists, in general, cannot end even the worse relationships, and teenagers are even more susceptible to this phenomenon. There is so much pressure to have a boyfriend in high school, that girls who don’t, feel unpopular and undesirable. \


Early intervention is imperative. Potential romantic idealists should be identified and given special attention. We must help them understand the hard work of caring for a child and encouraged to delay motherhood. Most of all, teenage romantic idealists need to be taught impulse control and shown how to raise their self-esteem. Much attention should be given to what a healthy relationship is—how it looks and feels.