Romantic Love & Projection

I was ten years old and sitting with my mother at the movies. “Where do movies come from?” I asked. “They come from Hollywood,” she replied. “No,” I said, “Where in this room do they come from?” She turned around and pointed to a small window with a light shining out. “The movie is coming from the projector,” she said. “It is being projected on to the screen,” she added. “Is the movie real?” I asked. “No,” she said. “It is the product of someone’s imagination.” Unfortunately, I did not believe her and took the movie quite seriously. I was very impressionable at that age.

The movie was “Splendor in the Grass,” with Natalie Wood. It is about a young girl who has a nervous breakdown when her boyfriend leaves her, and she ends up in a mental hospital. I thought this was romantic.

Most people when they are attracted to someone project immediately. They ask themselves, “Is this the one I have been waiting for?”

Unfortunately, projection is a poor way of choosing a partner. Consider the following instead.

▪ Check your fantasy against all the fantasies you have had in the past. Is it even close to being a healthy fantasy?

▪ Check with someone for a second opinion.

▪ Stay focused on reality. Look for what is real. Cling to that. Be practical.

▪ Make a plan for getting to know someone. Follow that plan. Don’t just leap from one emotion to next.

▪ Do not act on your projections. Keep them to yourself as you sort them out.

▪ Proceed slowly.

▪ Take seriously any red flags that come up. Act on them.

▪ Fantasies are normal but stay in reality