Christians & Anger Management

Anger is a normal, human emotion. Sometimes it is justified and sometimes it is not. Justified anger comes when someone has done or said something that is mean, selfish, and hurtful. Unjustified anger comes from our ego, perceived hurt, or not getting our way. For instance, I don’t like standing in line, so I get angry. In other words, anger can be both good and bad and we need to learn how to tell the difference for our own good.

Both justified and unjustified anger can linger before it is surrendered to God. The major downfall of both types of anger is that that they can easily eat away at our serenity and peace of mind or worse. They can also get us in trouble. For instance, I once got angry because I was standing in line for a long time. I vented. Someone else vented, and we both ended up in jail for disturbing the peace.

To process anger, one must face it and once it is identified bring it under control. There are many ways to do this.

▪ Self-talk (I am not going to act out).

▪ Surrender (God take this anger from me).

▪ Forgiveness (Maybe the person I am angry at cannot help themselves).

▪ Find out what is going on in the life of someone before getting angry.

▪ Remember that Christ asked us to forgive each other.

▪ Ask for God to channel his love for this person through you.

I learned this last suggestion after reading Corrie Ten Boom’s book The Hiding Place. She was put in a concentration camp. After the war she ran into one of the guards from the camp. He apologized and put out his hand. Corrie described how she was frozen. Then she asked God to channel his love for this man into her. God did and she was able to forgive him.

There are three kinds of angry people: the internalizers, loose cannons, and centered people I have been all three. Today, I try to find balance. By this I mean I do not "stuff" the anger nor do I lose control. For example, I was waiting for a bus the other day. A teenager was getting on the bus, and she really took her time as if she were the only person in the world. I was late so my impatience led to anger. I told myself that I was not going to express my anger with an outburst. Instead, I forgave her and confronted her is a very passive way. She apologized and we started talking. We had such a great conversation that we ended up exchanging phone numbers.

In the case of forgiveness, remember that you do not have to like or associate with someone to forgive them. It is important to get away from harm. Sometimes you have to forgive people from a distance. In other words, before you "turn the other cheek," step back and get in a safe place.

My anger management began when my best friend pointed it out to me. He simply said, “Susan you are an angry person, and it is not becoming.” I agreed and set out to change myself.

I do not know what people do with their anger when they do not have a moral compass or some kind of religious dogma to encourage them to let go of their anger. Perhaps they end up in prison or develop an ulcer. Perhaps they are riddled with shame. Sometimes they die angry.

Both my son and I have learned how to manage our anger. He did it to stay out of jail. I did it both for my mental health and my love of Jesus Christ.