The Mind Keeps Score

Recently, science has discovered that trauma actually changes the brain, and these changes are permanent. If our mind was a ball of clay, trauma leaves an indent that cannot be smoothed over.

This may go against the Christian ideal that God can do anything, which is true, but to this point only a few people have been graced with a permanent remission from PTSD.

How is this helpful? It takes away the shame that PTSD survivors feel when they get better but are not cured. I have had PTSD since 1968. I have prayed about it, and I believe I am better, but there are still times when something triggers my PTSD, and I am transported in a time machine back to the original trauma. It is not a memory. I am there. Thomas Harris explains this better than I can in his book, I’m OK; You’re OK. His findings have been validated by science.

Sometimes people say to me, “Susan, stop living in the past. It is over and done with.” I only wish this were true. But when these people imply that I have a choice about a PTSD episode, I feel ashamed as if I were not trying hard enough. I believe that these people are trying to help me, but at the same time it puts up a wall between us.

Hopefully, science will come up with a cure someday. I am ready. For now, my PTSD is the cross that I bear. It teaches me to be more open-minded and compassionate with others. It teaches me how to love myself despite all my shortcomings. It helps me become a better teacher to fellow sufferers.