Values

Recovery is about CHANGE. We must change:

How we THINK.
How we BEHAVE.
What we VALUE.

For example, many of us value romantic love. If we are using it to replace the love we were denied as children it can become the most important thing we value. The pursuit of it will become more important that other things such as:

Our own wellbeing
Our children's wellbeing.
Our family's wellbeing
Other forms of love like agape.
Companionship.
Compatibility.
Availability.
Our relationship with God, friends, etc.

Actually, romantic love is inferior, in the long run, to any of these other things. Ro recovery we must change what we value.

Dear James:

I have noticed in our work together that you place a high value on great sex and romantic entanglements. This is why you are so preoccupied with women and sex. It is on your mind more than anything. You are easily tempted. Once tempted you are sometimes obsessed. Other things like your family and career are boring.

We have talked a lot about behavior modification, now let's discuss an underlying issue.

I would like to suggest that you try a "shift in consciousness," and actually spend some time ruminating about new mature values. In other words, get in touch with other important things in your life. Magnify these ideas into prolonged thinking. Write about it so it stays in your conscious mind. Then read what you write.